Friends老友记Episode505:TheOneWithAlltheKips
TheOneWithAlltheKips
Monica:(quietly)Hi!
Chandler:(quietly)Hi!(Theybothstartkissing.)
(JoeyentersandChandlerpushesheraway.)
Joey:MonicaWhattimeisit
Chandler:Uhh,9.(Hepushestheclockintothesink.)
Chandler:Yeah,IcansaythatIhaveaconferenceandyoucansayyouhaveachefthing.
Monica:Wait!WhataboutJoey
(ChandleropensthebathroomdoortorevealJoeypassedoutonthetoiletwithatoothbrushinhismouth.)
OpeningCredits
Ross:(entering)Hey.
Joey:Hey!
Monica:Hey.
Ross:IsRachelhereIgottatalktoher.
Ross:Damn!
Ross:Ihavenoidea.Imean…But-butIassureyouIwillfigureitout.
(Theyallreflectbrieflyonwhatwassaid.)
Rachel:(entering)Hi,guys!
Joey:Hi!
Chandler:Uh,hey!
Rachel:Ohokay,heyguys,wouldyouflipminetoo
Rachel:(goingthroughthemail)Ohlook!Aletterfrommymom.
Rachel:Ohyeah!Iknow.
Phoebe:(ToChandler)Canyouhearanything
Chandler:Ohyes,somebodyjustsaid,"Canyouhearanything"
Joey:(holdingabox)Well,rememberwhentheygotinthatbigfightandbrokeupandwewereallstuckinherwithnofoodoranythingWell,whenRosssaidRachelatthewedding,Ifigureditwasgonnahappenagain,soIhidthisinhere.
Monica:Ooh,candybars,crosswordpuzzles…
Phoebe:Ooh,Madlibs,mine!(Grabsit.)
Chandler:Condoms
Chandler:Andcondomsarethewaytodothat
[Cuttothelivingroom.]
Ross:Anywayit-itkinda-itallboilsdowntothis,thelasttimeItalkedtoEmily…
Rachel:(interrupting)OhmyGod!Mydogdied!
Ross:What!
Rachel:OhmyGod,LePoo,ourdog!
[Scene:AtlanticCity,NewJersey,ChandlerandMonicaareabouttostarttheirweekendofsex,sex,nothingbutsex.]
Monica:Ooh,chocolatesonthepillows!Ilovethat!
Chandler:Oh,youshouldlivewithJoey,Roll-oseverywhere.
Monica:Comehere.(Hedoes,andtheykiss.)Okay,berightback.
(GoestothebathroomandChandlerturnsontheTVandfindsahigh-speedpolicechase.)
(Monicareturns,carryingaglass.)
Rachel:Ohyeah!(Turnstofacehim.)
Rachel:What
Ross:Umm…(Rachelblowshernose.)
Rachel:Sorry.Sorry.
Chandler:Okay,great.(HegrabstheremoteandturnsontheTVtothechase.)
Chandler:HalfatankWestillgotalotofhigh-speedchasingtodo!
Chandler:WhatWhy
Monica:Thisisagardenviewroom,andwepaidforanoceanviewroom.
HotelClerk:Ourlastoceanviewroomwasunacceptabletoyou.
Monica:(ToChandler)Excuseme,umm,canItalktoyouoverhereforjustasecond
Monica:Chandler!
Chandler:(turningtofaceher)Yeah.
Chandler:Ihearya,Mugsy!Butlook,alltheseroomsarefineokayCanyoujustpickonesoIcanwatch-(realizes)-haveaperfect,magicalweekendtogetherwithyou.
[Timelapse,MonicaandChandlerhavechangedroomsyetagain.]
Monica:Okay,thisoneIlike!
Monica:CanweturntheTVoffOkayDowereallywanttospendtheentireweekendlikethis
Chandler:Oh,whoshouldIblameThenicebellmanwhohadtodragoutluggageto10differentrooms
Chandler:Donotspeakillofthedead.
Chandler:Ijustwanttowatchalittletelevision.WhatisthebigdealGeez,relaxmom.
Monica:Whatdidyousay
Chandler:Isaid,"Geez,relaxMonnnnn."
Rachel:Hi!
Rachel:Yeah,ItoldyoutogiveEmilywhatevershewants.
Ross:Andwhilethatwasgoodadvice,youshouldknowthatwhat-whatshewants…
Rachel:Yeah
Ross:…isformenottoseeyouanymore.
Ross:Youhavenoideawhatanightmarethishasbeen.Thisissohard.
Rachel:Ohyeah,reallyIsitRossYeahOkay,wellletmemakethisajustalittlebiteasierforyou.
Ross:Whatareyoudoing
Rachel:Stormingout!
Ross:Rachel,thisisyourapartment.
CommercialBreak
Chandler:DamnRollos!
Chandler:Hey.
Joey:Howwasyourconference
Joey:Oh,soyourweekendwasatotalbust
Chandler:Uh,no,IgottoseeDonaldTrumpwaitingforanelevator.
Monica:(entering)Hi!
Monica:Yeah.Umm,ChandlercanItalktoyououtsideforasecond
Joey:Hey,howwasyourchefthing
Chandler:Well,maybeitwasthekindoffoodthattastedgoodatfirstbutthenmadeeverybodyvomitandhavediarrhea.
Monica:Chandler!(Motionsforhimtocomeoutside.)
Chandler:Monica.(Followsherout.)
[Inthehall.]
Chandler:Okay,fine,$300.
Monica:300dollars!
Chandler:Yeah,justthinkofitas$25perroom!
Monica:Urghh!!
Joey:(stickinghisheadoutthedoor)Whatareyouguyswoofingabout
Monica:Chandlerstoleatwentyfrommypurse!
[Scene:CentralPerk,RossisdrinkingsomeAlka-Seltzer.Therestofthegang,minusRachelisthereaswell.]
Joey:Youwantmyadvice
Ross:Yes!Please!
Joey:Yougotmarriedtofast.
Joey:Itoldya.
ChandlerandPhoebe:Yeah,meeither.
Monica:MaybeIcoulddoit.
Rachel:(entering)Hi!
Joey:Hi,Rach.
Chandler:Hi!
Phoebe:Hey.
Phoebe:Ohno!Notthatguy!Hedoeslooklikehimthough.
Chandler:Okay,Rossisinthebathroom.
Rachel:(ToJoey)DoyouevenknowwhoKipis
Joey:Oh,thatpoorbastard.
Phoebe:Ehh!!
Chandler:(entering)Hey!
Joey:Hey,Mr.Bing.Thatuh,hotelyoustayedatcalled.Saidsomeoneleftaneyelashcurlerinyourroom.
Chandler:Yesthatwasmine.
Chandler:Yesthatwouldhavemademoresense.
[Scene:CentralPerk,PhoebeissittingoncouchandRachelisgettingsomecoffee.PhoebekeepsturningherheadfromtokeepfromlookingatRachel.]
Phoebe:Comewhere
Phoebe:Okay,buttryandgetJoeytoo.
Ross:(entering)Pheebs,youmindifIspeaktoRachelaloneforasec
Phoebe:Oh,sure!(Shegetsuptoleave.)ByeRoss!(Whisperingbehindhisback.)Forever.
Ross:Hi.
Rachel:Oh,Ross…
Ross:Well,what-whatwouldyoudoRach,ifyouwereme,what-whatwouldyoudo
Rachel:Iknow.
Ross:Iamsosorry.
Rachel:Iknowthattoo.
Joey:(entering)(Heclearshisthroattogettheirattention.)Hey,RachSorrytointerruptbutumm,Phoebewantedmetotalktoyouaboutatriporsomething.
Monica:Hi.
Chandler:Ijustcameovertodropoff…nothing.Sothatweekendkindasucked,huh
Monica:Yeah,itdid.
Chandler:So,Iguessthisisover.
Monica:What
Monica:Why,exactly
Chandler:Becauseoftheweekend,wehadafight.
Chandler:ReallyOkay.Great!
Monica:Ohh,welcometoanadultrelationship!(Shegoestokisshim.)
Chandler:Okay.
(Theykiss.)
Phoebe:Hey!
Monica:Hey!
Phoebe:Ohhey,Monica,IheardyousawDonaldTrumpatyourconvention.
Monica:Yeah,Isawhimwaitingforanelevator.
(Joeythinksthatsoundsfamiliar,butdismissesthethought.)
Monica:Hey,Rach,canIborrowyoureyelashcurler,IthinkIlostmine.
(Joeyputstwoandtwotogether.)
Joey:(shocked)Oh!Ohh!Oh!!
Joey:Oohh!!Ohh!Oh-oh-oh!Oh-oh!!
(ChandlerpusheshimthroughthedoorandMonicaclosesitbehindthem.)
Joey:Ohhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
Chandler:Yes.Yes.(Letshimup.)
Joey:(ToChandler)You!(ToMonica)And-andyou!
Monica:Yes,butyoucannottellanyone!Nooneknows!
Joey:How!When!
Chandler:IthappenedinLondon.
Joey:INLONDON!!!
Joey:Butitisabigdeal!!Ihavetotellsomeone!
(Theybothgrabhimandstophim.)
(Joeythinksitover.)
(ShegoesoverandkissesChandler.)
[CuttoPhoebeandRachel.]
EndingCredits
Phoebe:ThemostpopularPhoebeintennisiscalledtheoverhandPhoebe.Andifyouwin,youmustslapyouropponentonthePhoebeandsay,"Hi,Phoebe!"
Phoebe:Countforwhat
Monica:Countinourheadsas-asgoodMadlibs.
(Theyputtingtheirnotepadsdownandgetuptoleave.)
Rachel:Uh-huh!
Monica:Guys,rulesaregood!Ruleshelpcontrolthefun!(TheyallleaveandclosethedooronMonica.)Ohhh!(Throwshernotepaddownindisgust.)