Aftermynap,Iwokeupfeelingsurprisinglyrefreshed,butstillhungry.Anursehadcomeintocheckmycervixonemoretime.Thistime,miracleofmiracles,Iwasattencentimeters.
Newborntwins,MariaontheleftandAugustineontheright
WhatblessingsGodhasgivenus!
WhatshouldyoudoonceyouhavecometoknowGod
OnceyouhavecometoknowGod,youmustputhiminthefirstplaceinyourlife.Andwiththatanewlifebegins.YoushouldbeabletorecognizeChristiansbythefactthattheyloveeventheirenemies.
FromWorldPolicyForum
Wemustdosomethingtohelpfamiliesinourcountry,sochildrencangetthebeststartpossible.
InfertilityAwarenessWeek,2014:ACatholicPerspective
Oneinsixcoupleswillexperienceinfertilityatsomepointintheirmarriage.Infertilityismedicallydefinedastheinabilitytoconceiveafter12cyclesof“unprotected”intercourseor6cyclesusing“fertility-focused”intercourse.Acouplewhohasneverconceivedhas“primaryinfertility”andacouplewhohasconceivedinthepastbutisunabletoagainhas“secondaryinfertility”.Manycoupleswhoexperienceinfertilityhavealsoexperiencedmiscarriageorpregnancyloss.
Thisweek,April20–26,2014isNationalInfertilityAwarenessWeek.
We,agroupofCatholicwomenwhohaveexperiencedinfertility,wouldliketotakeamomenttosharewithyouwhattheexperienceofinfertilityislike,sharewaysthatyoucanbeofsupporttoafamilymemberorfriend,andshareresourcesthatarehelpful.
Ifyouareexperiencinginfertility,pleaseknowyouarenotalone.Youarelovedandprayedforandthereareresourcestohelpyouwiththespiritual,emotional,andmedicalaspectsofthisjourney
TheExperienceofInfertility
Inthebeginningoftryingtoconceiveachild,thereismuchhopeandanticipation;forsome,evenasmallfearof“whatifwegetpregnantrightaway”Thereisplanningofhowtotellyourhusbandandwhenyou’dannouncetotherestofthefamily.Itisajoyfultimethatformostcouplesresultsinapositivepregnancytestwithinthefirstfewmonths.However,foroneinsixcouples,themonthsgobywithoutapositivetestandthefearsanddoubtsbegintocreepin.Atthe6thmonthoftryingusingfertility-focusedintercourse(usingNaturalFamilyPlanning),thecoupleknowssomethingiswrongandisconsidered“infertile”bydoctorswhounderstandthechartingofawoman’spatternoffertility.Atthe9thmonthoftrying,themonththat,hadtheyconceivedthatfirstmonth,ababywouldhavebeenarriving,isoftenthemostpainfuloftheearlymilestones.Atthe12thmonthmarkthecouple“earns”thelabelfromthemainstreammedicalcommunityas“infertile”.
Asthemonthsgoby,thehopesanddreamsarereplacedwithfears,doubts,andthemostinvasivedoctors’appointmentspossible.AsaCatholiccouplefaithfultotheteachingsoftheChurch,wearepresentedbyseculardoctorswithoptionsthatarenotoptionsforusandaretoldthingslike“you’llneverhavechildren”and“youhaveunexplainedinfertility”;byourCatholicdoctorswearetoldtokeepprayingandtohavehopeastheyrolluptheirsleevesandworkhardtofigureoutthecauseofourinfertility,witheachvisitasking,“Howareyouandyourhusbanddoingwithallofthis”
Wefindithardtofitin.Wehavefaithandvaluesthataredifferentthanoursecularculture,butourchildlessness(primaryinfertility)orsmallfamily(secondaryinfertility)makesusblendinwiththenorm.WehavefaithandvaluesthatareinlinewiththeteachingsofourChurch,butourdailylifelookssomuchdifferentthantheotherswhosharethosevaluesandthatmakesusstandoutinawaythatwewouldrathernot.WeareCatholichusbandsandwiveslivingoutourvocationfully.Ouropennesstolifedoesnotcomeintheformofchildren;ittakesontheformofaquiet“no”or“notyet”or“maybenever”fromGodeachmonthasweslowlytrodalong.Ouropennesstoandrespectforlifecourageouslyresiststhetemptationspresentedtousbythesecularartificialreproductivetechnologyindustry.
Oftentimesourfriendsandfamilydonotknowwhattosaytous,andsotheychoosetonotsayanything.Ourinfertilitystandslikeagreatbigelephantintheroomthatseparatesusfromothers.Mostofthetime,wedon’twanttotalkaboutit,especiallynotinpublicoringroupsettingsbecauseitispainfulandwewilloftenshedtears.Werealizeitisdifficultandaskthatyourealizethisdifficultyaswell.Wewilldoourbesttobepatientandtoexplainoursituationtothosewhogenuinelywouldliketoknow,butpleaserespectourprivacyandtheboundariesweestablish,asnotonlyisinfertilitypainful,itisalsoverypersonal.
Oneofthehardestexperiencesofinfertilityisthatitiscyclical.Eachmonthwegetourhopesupaswetry;weknowwhatourduedatewouldbeassoonasweovulate;weknowhowwewouldsharethenewswithourhusbandandwhenandhowwewouldtellourparents.Wespendtwoweekswalkingafinelinebetweenhopeandrealism,betweendreaminganddespairing.Whenournextcyclebegins–withcrampsandbleedingandtears–weoftenonlyhaveadayortwobeforewemustbegintakingthemedicationsthataremeanttohelpusconceive.Thereislittletonotimetomournthedreamthatisonceagainnotachievable;notimetotrulyallowourselvestohealfromonedisappointmentbeforewemustbeginhopingandtryingagain.Wedonotgettopickwhatdaysourhormoneswillplummetorhowthemedicationsweareoftentakingwillaffectus.Wedonotgettopickthedaythatwouldbe“best”forusforournextcycletostart.Weareatthemercyofhope,andwhilethathopekeepsusgoingitisalsowhatleavesusintearswhenitisnotrealized.
Ourfaithistested.WeaskGod“why”,weyellatHim;wedrawclosertoGodandwepushHimaway.MassbringsustotearsmoreoftenthannotandtheseasonofAdventbringsustoourknees.Thechorusof“HappyMother’sDay”thatsurroundsusatMassonthesecondSundayinMaywillbealmostmoredevastatingthantheblessingofmothersitself.WeknowthattheLordistrustworthyandthatwecantrustinHim;sometimesitisjustabiggertaskthanwecanachieveonourown.
Please…
Resources:
Bloggerswhocontributedtothisarticle(thosewithan*havechildrenafterprimaryinfertilityorareexperiencingsecondaryinfertility.Theyaremarkedassuchsothatifyouaren’tupforpossiblyseeingbaby/childpicturestoday,youcanmeetthemonadaywhenyouare,butpleasedotakethetimetogoandvisitthem.):
Thereisalsoa“Secret”Facebookgroupwithover150memberswhocontributedtothisarticleaswell.Formoreinformationortojointhegroup,emailRebeccaatRebeccaWVU02@gmail.com.
AnopenlettertowomenwhohavelefttheCatholicChurch:
InThePeaceandLoveofChrist,
Themembersof#cathsorority
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