Yougetafreebuspass,evenwhenyoudon’twanttogoonabus,orthereisn’toneformiles.Yougetfreespecsandfreedeafaids.Peoplestandupforyouandgiveyoutheirseat.Theycallyousirandmadam–oh,yestheydo–andtheylistentoyourboringoldstorieswithoutinterrupting,eveniftheyhaveheardthemamilliontimes.
WhenIsaythissortofthingtopeopleyoungerthanme,theusualreactionfromthecleverclogsoutthereistosay,‘Ohwell,Isupposebeingoldisbetterthanthealternative.’
Myreplytothat‘Letmecounttheways.’
Idohonestly,sincerelythinktherearesomanyadvantagesandplusesandpleasuresinbeingold.Wehavebeenyoung.Theyounghavenotbeenold.Soclearly,wearethewinners.
Obviously,illhealthisadrag,howeverwelloffyouare–noneedtogointoallthat,thisisahappypiece.Withage,theoldbonesgetstiff,yourbackgivesyougip,youarenotassupple.
Ifindithellishjustopeninganenvelope,thoughIcanusuallymanagetoopenthefridgedoorwhenIneeddesperatelytogetsomethingout,suchasanotherbottleofsauvignonblanc.
HunterandhisgirlfriendClaire:‘Youneedachumtohelpyouthrough,acompanion,asoulmate’Credit:JaneHiltonMyhearingisnotwhatitwas.IdidgetahearingaidontheNHSbuthateditandbinnedit.Theslightestsoundinthestreetwaslikethunder.Livingonmyown,Inowturnthesounduploudforthefootball,asthere’snoonetomoan.
Surprisingly,inthelastfiveyears,myhearinghasnotgotworse.Iputitdowntolivingahealthy,optimistic,active,virtuous,sensiblelife–well,Itrytoneverdrinkmorethanabottleaday.
WhenIoccasionallygetlostinasentenceandcan’trememberwhatIwasgoingtosay,IjuststopandlaughbecauseIhavedonethatallmylife.Itellmyselfthatnothinghasreallychanged.
Wearesolucky,livingnow.ThankstotheNationalHealthServiceandallthewonderfuladvancesintreatments,wehaveitsomuchbetterthaninmyparents’generation.Beforethewar,whenpeoplereached60,theyconsideredthemselvesold,asdideveryoneelse.
Today,you’renobbutaladwhenyougetto60.Juststartingallthefunofanewstageinlife.That’showyoumustthinkaboutit.Thedaftteenageyears,parttwo,herewecome.
Endlessboringlyobviousstudieshaveshownhowthe60-plusgenerationfeelhappierandlessdepressedthantheyouthfulandthemiddle-aged.Wearenotascompetitiveanymore.Wearemoreatpeacewithourselves.
Atthatage,thechancesareyourownparentshavepassedon,soyoudon’thavethatresponsibility.Yourchildrenareoffandaway–thoughtheytendtocomebackwhentheyneedyouoratleastneedabed.
Wearealsowealthier,whichofcourseisgrosslyunfair.Ifyouboughtaflatorhousebackinyour20swhenyougotmarried,whichwasthenormatthetime,ithasenormouslyincreasedinvalue.Onlytherichyoungcanaffordtobuypropertythesedays.
WeboughtourhouseinLondon,nearHampsteadHeath,in1963,ontheso-calleddownmarketsideoftheHeath,andpaid￡5,000.Itdidhaveasittingtenantonthetopfloor,andittookyearstobuyherout,butwereallydidthinkwehadpaidtoomuch.Can’tbelieveitnow.Today,housesinourstreetgofor￡3million.Yetwestartedwithnocapitalandneithermyparentsnormywife’severownedtheirownhouse,butlivedoncouncilestates.
Mychildrenhatemegoingonaboutthis,asdothenewneighbourswhenItellthemjustaftertheymovein.Theyalmostvomitonthepavement.
Ofcourse,therearepooroldies,whohavenosavings,don’townahouseandrelyonthestatebut,asageneralrule,amongallclasses,inallregions,it’stheoldtodaywhohavegotthemoney.WhyelseareallthecruiselinersfullWhoownsallthesecondhomes
WhatelseYouhavealltheselovelymemories,whichimproveallthetime.Theyareahiddenresourcefromwhichyoucandrawcomfortbythefireorawakeinbed.Theyoungcan’tcontradictyou,astheywerenotthere.
IonlywishIhadkepttheAndersonair-raidshelterwhichwasinourbackgardenwhenweboughtthehouse.Icouldbeopeningitasamuseum.Irememberwhenmychildrenwerestudyingthe1960sinahistoryclassatschool.YouwhatThe1960sHistoryThatwasonlyyesterday.
Beingold,youareallowedtotalkabouttheoldendays,butnottoomuch.Itrynottosay‘whenIwasyourage’.Ialsotryhardtobefairlycleanandnotwearthesameoldstainedpullovereachday.Infact,thankstomygirlfriend,Iamwearingmuchbrighterandcleanerclothesnow.
Gettingupoutofmyfavouritechair,Itrynottomutter“Onetwothree”–atleastnotwhenanyoneisaround.Inevertalkaboutmyailmentswithpeoplewhoareyoungerthanmyself.Theydon’twanttoknow.Whatdoyouexpect,theythink,atyourageIonlymoanonaboutmybadbacktomycontemporaries,thenwecompetetoseewhotakesthemostpills.
Youaremoretolerantwithage,don’tgetasbad-temperedandIdon’tthinkit’struethatyoubecomemorereactionary.Strangelyenough,whendeathisclearlycomingsoon,youfeellessfearful.Idon’tworrytoomuchaboutclimatechange.Iwon’tbehere.Andanyway,Ihavelivedthroughenough‘endoftheworld’scares.TheBomb,Godthatscaredusforyears.Youthink,ohwell,humanswillfindaway,theyhavealwaysmanaged.
ItellmyselfhowluckyIamtobehere,aliveandfairlywell,becauseIknowlifeisbettertodayformostpeople,fromalmosteveryangle.God,thehoursmymotherspentintheoutdoorwashhouse,heatingupthewaterandslavingoverthewoodendolly.WasitcalledadollyThatwoodenthingthatuselessskifflegroupsusedtoscrapeastheycouldn’taffordadrum.
Moderntechnologyisadrag.Itseemstomakelifemorecomplicatedandfragile,notsimpler.Ihaveallthegearbutdon’tunderstandmostofit.Ipanicwhenmycomputerpacksupandlongformyoldmanualtypewriter.Grandchildrendohavetheiruses.
Itisvitalnottocomplainaboutmodernlife,though,tomopeortocriticise,buttobeopentoallsocialcontactsandstimulation.Sayyestoalloffers,onceyou’vedraggedyourselfupoutofyourchairandfoundyourspecs.
Physicalexerciseisalsovital.IdotwolongwalksontheHeatheverydayandtrytoswimtwiceaweek.Yes,Iamsoslowthesedays,takeagestodo10lengths,butdoIcareDoIheckers.Keepmoving,livingismoving,that’sthesecretoflife.IthinkIgotthatfromaChristmascracker.
Myboredomthresholdisprobablylowerthanitwas.Ican’tbearanoisydinnertable,andslopeofftobedearlydoors.Ihatebeingonaplaneorinarestaurantsurroundedbyscreamingbabies.IrememberwhenIwasyoung,about30,andhadafriendaged70whousedtomoanallthetimeabout‘anklebiters’,andwouldmovetablestogetawayfromthem.Ithoughtthatwasawful,yetInowdothesame.
Youaresupposedtoreverttochildhoodwhenyougetold,getapassionforsweetsandicecream.Thathasn’thappenedtome,asIneverhadasweettooth,butIamawfullychildish,getsillierwithage,cansulkandmoan.
Mostofallinoldage–well,atanyagereally–youdoneedachumtohelpyouthrough,acompanion,asoulmate,preferablyoneoftheoppositesex,todothingswith,goplaceswith,tolistentoyou.
Justayearaftermywifedied,IdidmeetsomeoneIhadknownmanyyearsearlier.Wedon’tlivetogether–shehasherownhouseandfamily–butweseeeachotherallthetime.Wenowalsohaveaholidaycottagewherewespendtwoweekstogether,thentwoweeksbackinourownhomes.Itsuitsusbothfine.Ithinklivingpermanentlytogetherwouldleadtorows,aswearesetinourways.
Traditionally,theoldneverhadsex.TheverythoughtwouldhavemademeshudderwhenIwasyoung.Surveysnowshowtheoldareatitallthetime,ohyestheyare.Somanyover-60sreporthavingthebestsexlifetheyhaveeverhad–butmostdon’ttalkaboutit.That’sboasting.
Youmustknowtheoldjoke–Oldwomansaystooldman:‘Shallwegoupstairsandmakelove’
Oldmantooldwoman:‘IamnotsureIcouldmanageboth…’
Ifindswingingfromthechandeliersnotaseasythesedaysandmanagingitmorethanonceisveryunlikely.Butsexinoldageisnotacompetition,notanecessityoflife,asonceIimagined.Gentlecuddlesandhugscanbesocomfortingandsatisfying.
Shewon’tgetpregnant,whichisahelp.OhGod,sogladthoseyearshavegone.Ortheyearswhenyoudreadedthechildrenbargingin.Wheneitherpartnersays,sorry,Ihaveaheadache/havegottogetupearlytomorrow/mighthavetogodownandcheckthedoghasnotbeensick/thattheAgahasnotconkedout/mylegsaregoingallfizzy;orwhenonesays,ohGodIamjustsotired,aren’tyou,youdon’timmediatelygoallbitterandtwisted,feelyouhavebeenspurnedandrejected,asyoudidwhenyouwereyounger.
Anoldpersonwillthink,hurrah,I’llgetoutofbed,findmyspecsandgoforawee.ThenI’llhaveagrandnight’ssleep.