Inthisfunny,casualtalkfromTEDx,writerJennaMcCarthysharessurprisingresearchonhowmarriages(especiallyhappymarriages)reallywork.Inmyopinion,marriageismorethanjustaringonyourfinger,it’sabondbetweentwopeoplethatshouldgrowovertimeandaddvaluetoyourlife.
IsmarriageindispensabletopersonsoftherightageAfterwatchingthespeech,myanswerisabsolutelyYES.Responsibilitiesalwayscomeswithrightsduringmarriageinwhich,Ithink,thebenefitplayadominantrole.Marriageisanintimateandenduringrelationshipthatgrowsovertimeandmakesyouabetterperson.Also,marriageislinkedtohealthandeconomicbenefits.Accordingtothevideo,marriedindividualstendtohavebetterphysicalhealth,psychologicalwell-being,andalowermortalityrisk.Financially,marriedmentendtoearnmore,andmarriedwomenarelesslikelytofallintopoverty.Marriageisalsolinkedtogreaterwealthaccumulation.
Marriageisthejoiningoftwopeopleinabondthatputativelylastsuntildeath,butinpracticeisincreasinglycutshortbydivorce.wemaywanderhowtomaintainahappymarriageThespeechgivensomeanswerstosomedegree.Fistofall,youshouldclearwhymarriagematterstoyouandwhyyouarewilingtospendtherestofyourlifemakingtherelationshipapriority.What’more,thecentralpointofthesuggestionsgivenbyJennaMcCarthy,eg.keepingyourselfmoreattractiveandthinnerthanyourhusband,focusingonthepositives/praise-worthymoments,ischerish,givingandrespect.Also,divorceiscontagiouscontagious.Sowehavetobeintentionaltoplaceourselvesinthecompanyofthosewhoarestrivingtomakemarriagebetter.
Whenitcomestolatermarriage,people’sopinionsvaryenormously.Weknowthatasagraduatestudent,latermarriagewouldbeaproblemforusafterwegraduated,especiallygirls.
Differentpeoplehavevariousviewpointstowardmarriagecausetheyhavedifferentrolesandstands.QianZhongshu,aneminentwriterwhoprefaceshisbookASurroundedCitywith‘Marriageisasurroundedcitywhichpeopleencircledwanttofleefromwhilethosewhostandoutthecityareeagertostepinto’.However,JaneAustenstartedherbookPrideandPrejudicewith‘Itisatruthuniversallyacknowledgedthatasinglemaninpossessionofagoodfortunemustbeinwantofawife.
Inmypointofview,marriageisawarmharbourinwhichwecanseekshelter,itisalsoadestinationofourlifevoyageafterweleaveparents’homeorwearenolongerundertheprotectionofourparents.
Sowemustchoosemarriagecautiouslyandthentryourbesttomakeaperfectplacewherewecanlivehappilywithanotherperson.However,wecan’tmanageitonourownwithoutcooperatingwithhim.Inotherwords,choosingamarriagemeanschoosingapersontolivewith.Inconsequence,weshouldchoosethehusbandcautiously.
Asforme,first,myhusbandmustshowhisparentsfilialobedience.Parentsarethosewholoveusbest.HowdareweexpecthelovesusifapersoneventreatshisparentsillIbelievethereisloveexistingbetweenmanandwoman,whileIbelieveintheemotionwhichcanbedevelopedafterlivingtogetheralongtimeinmarriage.Amancanfallinlovewithhiswifemomentarily,butonlywhenheregardshiswifeasarealfamilymembercanhislovelastslonger.Seldomamancanendurethemarriagewithawomanwhenheisnotloveheranymoreorevenhateher.However,thereisenoughspaceformanoeuversifamantreathiswifeasanindispensablefamilymember.Second,ahusbandshouldhavestrongresponsibilities.Amanwithstrongresponsibilitiesisreliable.Ononehand,hewillworkhardtomakeushappy.Ontheotherhand,hemaydonotanythingthatwillhurthiswife.Maybe,mostofthemenarefondofthenewandtiredoftheold,butamanwhohasstrongresponsibilitieswillmakehismindratherhisemotioncontrolhisbehaviour.
Lastbutnotleast,ahusbandshouldhavesimilaroutlookonlifeandvaluewithhiswife.Becauseitisahorriblethingtoliveanentirelifewithapersonwhomwehavenothingtotalkwith.
NowlettalkabouttheprotagnistsintheNettle.Totellthetruth,Idon’tlikethewomaninit.Idon’tblameherforleavingapersonwhomshedoesn’twanttolivewith.Idoblameherforleavingherfamily.Shejustmovesoutandalmostkeepsnoconnectionwithherhusband.Theycangettogethertocopewiththeir
marriage.Thoughtheirmarriageistoofargone,theycanstillbegoodfriends.AndalsoIhatethatshehopeanaffairwithMike.MuchasshelovesMike,sheshouldn’tbreakawholefamilyatanotherpoorwoman’scost.ShecantakeMikeasaclosefriendorabrotherwhomcanexchangelifeandworkexperience.
Fortunately,theydon’tlosetheirmindanddosomethingthatwillhurtothers.Ofcourseitisapitythattheydon’tmeeteachotheranymore.
thinktheweddingceremonyisthemostexcitingmoment.WhenIattendtheweddingceremonyeverytime,Iwillimaginemyweddingceremony.Iwillbecryingatmyweddingceremonyatthesightofmyparents.Inmyopinion,theweddingceremonyisnotonlyaceremonyfortwooneinlove,butalsoaceremonyforbrideandgroomtoshowtheirgratitudetotheirparents.
Aftertheceremony,thebridewillleaveherparentsandshewillhaveanothernewfamily--onlyherandherhusband.Aftertheceremony,thegroomwillbuildanewfamilyforhimandherbride,andhewilltaketheresponsibilityofahusbandtolookafterherbrideandrealizehispromise:liveheragoodlife.Theceremonyisveryholything.EverytimeIattendtheweddingceremony,Iammovedandmyeyeswillbefilledwithtears.Hopeeverybrideandgroomwillliveagoodlife,andsharebitterandhoneythingstogether.Wisheachpairofloversbehappy.
Afterschool,Iwalkedonthewayhome.Suddenly,Isawthecorneratanintersection,agroupofcuriousonlookersstandingtherepointing,thereweremanydiscussions.So,Iranpast.
Specialgasrichyoungpeople,familiesinmiddle-agedman,plainandneatwomen,insuccessiveyearsoldmantookouthislittlepursetotheunfortunatewoman.
Peoplewithagoodhearttogivepeoplecomfortbybegging.
Atthesametime,transnationalmarriage,bothsidesiseasybecauseofdifferencesinnationality,habits,ideas,customs,language,resultinginnosenseofidentityandbelonging.Infact,thereisahigherriskcomparedwiththetransnationalmarriagemarriage,itsuncertaintyishigher.Traditionally,Chinesemoreequalattention,andthemultinationalmarriage,thelackofacommonculturalcircle,thetwosidesaregreatdifferencesinlanguage,custom,religiousbeliefandotheraspects,andthesearethetwosidesmustcrossthebarrier,buttoovercometheseobstacles,isaverydifficultthing,therefore,thetransnationalmarriageisveryeasilyleadtodivorce,whichnotonlybringharmtobothsides,butalsowillbringbadeffectstothepeoplearound.
isgettingmarriedoneofthekeystoahappylifea2006reportfromthepewresearchcentersuggestsso—43percentofmarriedwomenandmenreportedbeing“veryhappy,”whileonly24percentofunmarriedmenandwomensaidthesame.
youareasking,isitpossibletobemarriedandtobefree
ifyoutakemarriagenon-seriously,thenyoucanbefree.ifyoutakeitseriously,thenfreedomisimpossible.takemarriagejustasagame--itisagame.havealittlesenseofhumor,thatitisaroleyouareplayingonthestageoflife;butitisnotsomethingthatbelongstoexistenceorhasanyreality--itisafiction.butpeoplearesostupidthattheyevenstarttakingfictionforreality.ihaveseenpeoplereadingfictionwithtearsintheireyes,becauseinthefictionthingsaregoingsotragically.itisaverygooddeviceinthemoviesthattheyputthelightsoff,soeverybodycanenjoythemovie,laugh,cry,besad,behappy.
iftherewaslightitwouldbealittledifficult--whatwillothersthinkandtheyknowperfectlywellthatthescreenisempty--thereisnobody;itisjustaprojectedpicture.buttheyforgetitcompletely.andthesamehashappenedwithourlives.manythingswhicharesimplytobetakenhumorously,wetakesoseriously--andfromthatseriousnessbeginsourproblem.inthefirstplace,whyshouldyougetmarriedyoulovesomeone,livewithsomeone--itispartofyourbasicrights.youcanlivewithsomeone,youcanlovesomeone.
Nowadays，whenacouplegetmarried,thefirsttheydoistogetenoughmoneytobuyahouse.InChina,itseemsthatmarriagemeanshavingahouse,itisreportedthatanewlymarriedcouplegotdivorcedbecausetheirparentsdidn’tfigureoutthelegalnameofthehouse.Doesmarriagemustpluswithhouse,Idon’tthinkso.
Itiscommonthatwhenpeoplegetmarriedthattheymustendowwithahouse,itisbecausehousebringsthecouplethesenseofsecure.Havingahousemeanstheyaresettled,eventheyarefiredfromthework,theydon’thavetoworryaboutwheretolive.Peopleowntheirsenseofsecuretothehouse.Marriagebringssenseofsecure,too,sopeoplethinkahouseisamust.
Weseethetruethattodaypeopleendowthehousewithtoomuchemotion.Sometimetheyevenmarryforthehouse,thevalueoftrueloveisbeingdistorted,peoplenomoreputtheloveinthefirstplace,theyconsiderthehousethemostimportantthing.Soiftherearetwoguyschasingforagirl,thereisnodoubtthattheguywhoownsahousewins.Whataterriblething.
Onmyopinion,trueloveisnothingwiththehouse,marriageisonthebasisoflove,houseisnotamustforthemarriage.
successfulmarriageisthemosteffectiveformofsocialsupport.itrelievestheeffectsofstress,andleadstobettermentalandphysicalhealth.husbandsseemtobenefitmuchmorefrommarriagethenwivesdo.
marriedwomenareinbetterphysicalandmentalhealth,andarehappierthansinglewomen,buttheseeffectsarenearlytwiceasgreatformen.variouseplanationshavebeenconsidered,butthemostplausibleisthatwivesprovidemoresocialsupportthanhusbands.perhapsmenneeditmore
theyaremoreeposedtostressesatwork,andhaveworsehealthanddieearlierthenwomen.inaddition,whenwomengetmarried,theirwayoflifeissubjecttomuchgreaterchangeandthisoftenleadstoboringandisolatedworkinthehomeforwhichtheyareill-prepared.despitethebenefitsofmarriagewomenfinditstressfulandinbettershapeiftheyalsohavejobs,theirearningsandstatusincreasetheirpowerinthehome,andtheymayalsogetsocialsupportatwork.
ThereisaheateddiscussionthesedayssinceChineseon-campusstudentsarelegallyallowedtogetmarriedbeforetheycompletetheircourses.Somepeopleapplaudthisnewdevelopmentwhileothershaveexpressedtheirconcernaboutthis.
Ontheonehand,collegestudentswillinevitablyhavelesstimeandenergyfortheiracademiclifebecausemarriedstudentshavemorerealisticproblemstodealwiththanthoseunmarriedones.Ontheotherhand,anumberofstudentsdohaveadesireforanidealmarriage.Theyareoldenoughtotaketheresponsibilityandiftheyhandleitwell,marriagecanbringthemhappinessandasenseofsecurity.