Ifyou’reconsideringdatingafteramarriageends,youmightwonderwheretobegin.Toprepareforahealthypotentialrelationship,considerthesetips:
Changingupyourroutinemayhelpboostyourself-confidenceandself-esteemwhilecreatingopportunitiestomeetnewpeople.
Beforeyoubegindatingafterabreakup,itcanbehelpfultolistqualitiesthatyouvalueinarelationship.Forexample,perhapsyouvalueself-love,kindness,orclearcommunication.Understandingthekindofpersonandrelationshipyouarelookingforcanhelpyoubeginrelationshipsfromaplaceofstrongerpersonalunderstanding.
Ifyoudofindsomeonewithwhomyouhopetoformalovingrelationshipaftertheendofyourmarriage,youmayhavetoapproachtherelationshipinadifferentwayfromyourpreviousone.Herearehelpfultipsforpromotingahealthyrelationshipwithyournewpartner.
Whenitcomestorelationships,thismaymeanyouinstinctivelylookforanewpartnerwhoissimilartoyourpriorspouse.Itmayalsomeanyouinadvertentlyfallintothesameconflictresolutionpatterns,allocationsofhouseholdtasks,andgenderrolesthatyouestablishedinyourpriormarriage.Somepeoplemaybeafraidthatbecauseofthis,theirnewrelationshipmaybearepeatofthelast.
Ifthere’sanythingyouwanttochangeaboutyournewrelationship,takingthetimetotalkitoutandprocessyourpastrelationshipmayhelpyoutorecognizeyourpatternsandestablishnewones.Itmaybehelpfultotaketimetogettoknowyourselfagain,separatefromapartner.Forexample,youmightconsideryourpassions,hobbies,orgoalsforthefuture.
Supportingyourmentalhealthaftertheendofamarriagewiththerapyorgriefsupportgroupsmayhelpyourealizethetruenatureofyourpastrelationshipbetterandempoweryoutomakenewdecisionswithyournewpartner.
Itmaybetempting,andeventotallynormal,tolookforanewpartnerwhoresemblesyourpreviousspouse,butbyputtingyourfocusonaspecifictypeofperson,youcouldbeignoringafulfillingnewrelationship.Youandyourpreviouspartnermighthavebeenanidealmatch,butyou’reprobablydifferentnowthanyouwerewhenyoumetthem.
Takingthetimetodatecanhelpyoudetermineifyouandyournewpartnerareemotionallycompatiblebeforegettingmarried.Itmayalsohelpyouseewhetherthispersonwillbeaharmoniouspartnerinyourday-to-daylifewithoutleavingthingstoluckorchance.
Ifyouhavecertainthingsyouexpectinarelationshiporthingsthatitmaybeimpossibleforyoutolivewithout,likeyourpartnerearningacertainincomeorenjoyingtravel,datingcanhelpyoudeterminewhetheryournewpartnermeetstheseexpectations.
Ifyoudecidetogiveyourselfsometimetofigureoutanewrelationshipbeforegettingmarried,itmayhelpyoudecidewhethertheseexpectationsareunimportantorwhetheryou’dratherbewithapartnerthatfitsyourdesiredexpectations.
Havingastrongsupportsystemasyoure-enterthedatingpoolcanhelpmaketheprocessmoreenjoyableandproductive.Askingafriendorfamilytoactasarelationshipcoachortooffersupportinfindingacompatiblepartnermaybehelpfulforsomepeople.
Yourfriendsorfamiliesmayalsobeabletohelpyoumovepastsomepreconceivednotionsaboutpotentialpartners.Ifyouthink,forinstance,thatyouwillonlybewell-matchedwithsomeoneelsewhohasbeenpreviouslymarried,youmaymissoutonapartneryou’dhavechemistrywith.
Gettingadditionalsupportthroughcounselingmaypointyouintherightdirection,helpingyoufindtheself-confidencetostartdatingagainaftertheendofamarriage.Incounseling,youcouldstrengthenyourskillsineffectivecommunication,identifyredflags,orgetwhatmaybeconsideredthebestadviceonmaintainingemotionalintimacy.
Whenyouaretryingtomeetsomeonenew,itcanbedifficulttofindthetimeoramomentawayfromworkforin-persontherapy.However,onlinetherapymayremovebarrierssuchastransportationandschedulingchallengeswhileremainingjustaseffectiveasin-personsessions.
Somanypeoplefeellikethey’llneverfindloveagainafterlosingaspouseorpartner—severalfactorsmakeitsuchacommonexperience.Forexample,thedepthoflovesharedinlong-term,committedpartnershipscanmakeithardtoimaginefindingthatlevelofconnectionwithanyoneelse.Additionally,losingapartneroftencomeswithaconsiderableamountofpainandgrief.Suchstrongemotionsmightmakeitdifficulttotrustoropenuptoloveagaininthefuture.
Manypeoplewonderifthey’llfindloveagainafterit’sbeenlost.It’simportanttogiveyourselftimetoprocessthegriefbeforemovingon,butitispossibletofallinloveagainafterabreakuporthedeathofalovedone.
Itmightseemdifficulttofinallyfindthepathtoloveagainformanyreasons.Emotionalbarrierslikeafearofbeinghurt,unresolvedissuesfrompastrelationships,anddifficultylettinggoofangerandpaincanallplayarole.Dependingonthecircumstances,abreakupcansignificantlyaffectself-esteem.Often,particularlytumultuousbreakupscanleadtonegativeself-talkanddepressionwhenoneruminatesaboutthepast.Somepeoplefeelasenseoffailureorunworthinessafteratoughbreakup,dealingaconsiderableblowtotheirself-confidenceandaffectingtheirabilitytomoveon.
Yes,youwilllikelygetoveryourpastrelationshipwithtimeandeffort.However,everybodyhastheirownideaofwhat“gettingover”means,sofirstthinkaboutwhatgettingoveritmeanstoyou.Somepeoplethinktheyneedtoforgetanyfeelingsofaffectionandfondnesstowardstheirexbeforetheyconsiderthemselvestrulyoverthem.Othersfeelclosurewhenthey’renolongeroverwhelmedbypainwhentheythinkaboutthem.Stillothersfeelthey’vemovedononlywhentheydon’tthinkaboutthemorwhathappenedthatendedtherelationshipatall.
Additionally,somepeopleexperienceobstacleswhentryingtoseparateandgetoverapastrelationship.Forexample,parentswhosharechildrenmaystillneedtocommunicateaboutissueslikechildsupportorco-parenting.Endingamarriagecanmakeitchallengingtomoveonwhenacouplemustdealwithdividingahouseorbelongingsduringthecourseofgettingdivorced.Forsomereligiouscouples,thecomplexityoftheirbeliefscanplayarole.Forexample,divorcegoesagainstthechurchandthewordofGodinsomereligions,creatingsignificantbarrierstomovingon.
Inthemeantime,rememberthathealingdoestaketime,andacknowledgingyouremotionsisvitalinprocessingthemandmovingforward.Expressyourfeelingswithwordsinajournaloraletter,andleanonafriendorlovedoneswhomyouloveandtrustforsupport.Reflectonwhatyou’velearnedaboutyourheartbreak.Ifyou’restrugglingtothepointthatit’sinterferingwiththerestofyourdailylife,talkingtoacounselorcanhelpsupportyouthroughouttheprocess.
AccordingtothethreelovestheorydevelopedbyanthropologistHelenFisherpositsthatpeoplefallinlovethreetimesduringtheirlifetime(orexperiencethreetypesofrelationships).Theserelationshipsinclude:
Itmightbedifficultforsome,butintruth,rekindlingloveispossiblethroughemotionalintelligence,communication,andadesiretoworkontherelationship.Hereareafewhelpfultips:
Theredoesn’thavetobealimitednumberoftruelovesinyourlife,aslovetakesmanyformsdependingontherelationship.Whileromanticloveisoftenpassionateandphysicallyintimate,familiallovecharacterizedbysecurity,support,andbelongingcanbejustaspowerful.
Whilesomepeoplemayconsideraparticularrelationshiptobethemostprofound,theideathat"truelove"onlyhappensonceisnotnecessarilyaccurate.Itispossibletoexperiencedeep,meaningfullovewithmultiplepartnersthroughoutlife,dependingontime,circumstances,andanindividual’sexperiences.Additionally,eachpersondefinestrueloveintheirownway,openingupthepossibilityoflovewithmanyothers.