Ifyou’renewto#IBD4U&readthecollectionsasastandalonebook,theyshouldmakesense,howevermyexperiencesfromalltheotherblogsleadmetothedecisionsImadeinthestories.
TriggerWarnings:Iambrutallyhonest.Thisincludesawiderangeoftrigger,thiscanincludebutisnotlimitedtoextremelysexycontentNSFW,foullanguageandmanythingsyoumaynotagreewith!
Thisw.
#IBD4U
DidyoulikethefirstE-bookWhatstorieswouldyoulikeinanE-bookoftheirown
Letmeknowwhatyouthink
Theproblemwithsnapchattoo,isthateverythingdeletesimmediately(whichIchangeto24hours)unlessyouhighlightit,soIsavetheirage,location&apictureiftheysendone.Somegetsoweirdaboutthat,oneevenhasagoatmethatIdidn’thavepermissiontosavehisphoto…IexplainthatIdidn’tsavehispicturetomyphone,Imealysavedsomethinghesharedwithme,inourPRIVATEchat.Nooneelsecanseeit..Ialsosaythatifhedoesn’twantitsaved,thereisafunctiontoturnoffpeoplesavingyourphototothechat…Anywayheneverreadsmyreply,soMrMelodramaticgetsdeletedfrommylist.
WhenFireFighteraddsme,he’s38fromNSW,Ithinkhe’scute&tattooed,soIaminterested&heactuallytalks&isengaging,notcreepy,Iamhappytochattohim.Wechatallonenight&allthenextday,he’satwork.A24hourshift.Hewasslightlycheekytellingmethathehadtoshaveforwork,thathelikesitshaved,(YesIpickedupontheinuendo)sowetalkaboutthefacthehastoshave–didyouknowafirefightercan’thaveanythingotherthanamoustache!Ididn’t,somethingaboutthebreathingapparatus.IguessIhaven’tseenaFireManwithabeardbefore,butneverthoughtastowhy!
Heissingle,Icheckthat&hesaystomyfirstpic,“Youlookfierce,Iwouldn’tfuckwithyou.”I’mlike,isthatacompliment!Hesaysthatitis,thathewouldn’twanttomesswithme&Ithinkthatmaybethat’sperhapswhyIamsingleMaybeIlooktoscary!Whoknows,buthecontinuestochattome.
Wechatallday&allnight,wetalkabouttravel,wetalkaboutbothofourworks,wetalkaboutmydogs…Igetabitweirdedoutwhenhedoesn’treplylikehehasbeenbutthenIgetasnapofhimsittinginthebackofthefiretruckwiththecaption,“Helpmegetawayfromthisdriver.”Ilaugh&askifheeverdrives&hesaystheytakeitinturns,Iamabitfascinatedaboutthisjob,soIasklotsofquestionsabouthowtherotationworks&whotakeschargewhentheygettoascene.
LaterthannightIamhomeafterbeingoutwithfriends,afriendwassupposedtocomeoverbutsheneverrepliestomymessagesoIjustsiteditingmye-bookcollectionsandchattingtoFireFighter.Hegetsabitcheeky&whileIdoengageitin,alittle,Idon’twanttobethatpersonthathethinksdoesthiswitheveryguytheyaddonsnapchat.SoIdosendapictureofmycleavageagain&hethensendsmeapictureinthisfiretruck&says,“Damn.”It’snotlongbeforehe’sintheshowersendingmeabitmoresuggestivevideosbutnotactuallyseeinghiscock…
Idojokewithhimaboutusbeingdestinedbecauseofthebreedofmydogs&himbeingaFireFighter,hesaysthathedoesn’tbelieveindestiny,butIsaysthat,“Firefighter,dogs,cuteblondechick,whowouldn’tsaydestiny.”Heagreesandlaughs.
Hetalksaboutspooning&whowillbethebigspoon&whowillbethelittlespoon,hewantstobethelittlespoon&ItellhimthatIamamunchkinbuthesaidthathemightbehandsyifhewerethebigspoon…Astheconversationprogresses,hechangeshismindtwiceaboutwhichspoonhe’llbe…Healsoasksifhecankissmewhenwe’rehavingsex&Isaythatit’sokasIamnotahooker.Hesaysthatsomepeopledon’tlikeit…Really!Anywayhethenaskswherehecancum&Isaythatoncewe’renotusingcondomshecancomeinsideme.Hesaysthathe’shadthesnip&IsaythatI’vehadmytubestiedbutit’saboutSTI’s.Buthestartstotellmethathegivesblood&plasmasohe’scleanasawhistle.Ihaven’tgivenbloodorhadatestinawhile,butIdon’tmentionthatIamonlysleepingwithoneguy,soIjustsaythatinthebeginningyoualwaysusecondomsright
Iaskifhehaskids&whyhe’shadthesnip,hesaidhedidn’twantkids&asksthesameaboutmytubes,whichIgivehimthesameanswer…Sonokids,nopartner,aboutmyage&he’scute…PityhelivesinCentralNSW!
WHAT
Ilookagain,tryingtorememberwhathisusernamewas…WhatthefuckwashisnameonsnapSomethingPWherehashegoneThat’sweird..Thenithitsme…
Hefuckingblockedme!
WHATTHEACTUALFACTUALFUCK!
Ihavebeenworkinghardonan#IDB4UE-Bookcollection.
IthasprovedharderthanIexpected!!
andIamworkingoneditingthesetitles:
ThisisoneofthesmallestPDF&myfirstattemptatthis,soIamnotsurehowitwillgoorhowIwillgouploadingtheotherswhenthesizesaremuchbigger,butIwilltrytoworkoutawayregular#IBD4UreaderscangettheseforFREE!!
Howwouldyoulikeittoend
Sohereananotherblogofscreenshots.Ihavedoneoneforawhile.Soheretheyaresomeolderthanothersbutstillvalid&wortharead.
Ohgoodfuckinggod,whatamIdoingthisfor!
It’sabitoutofmy(&hers)usualagebracket,men35-53sotherewillbepeopleIam100%notinterestedin–Iamnotintooldermenatall,ironicallybecausewhenIwasyoungerIwasobsessedwiththemanbeingolderthanme,butprettymuchnoonebesidesBoyfriendhasreallybeenolderthanme!Hahaha.ButIamsurethattherewillbepeoplethatIwillnotbeattractedtoointhisagebracket,buttherecouldbetheoneIwanttodatetoo.Thediamondintherough!
RememberIknowacouplewhometatspeeddating&Iarestilltogether15+yearslater,whohavejusthadtheirthirdkidtogether,soIguessthisiswhyIkeepgoingback,youknowImayjustfindthatonespark!Allyouneedisonemutualsparkright!
I’mgoingagainwithaskinny,veryprettyfriend–who’srecentlysinglebutpreferswomen,whohasthesamenichejobasmebutweworkfordifferentorganisations.Wemetatouroldjobafewyearsback&wehaven’teverreallybeenoutsociallybeforesoIamlookingforwardtoit.IamnotsurewhyIthoughtspeeddatingwasagoodideaforagirlsnightout,buthereweare!
Anywaywegettothevenue,nooneimmediatelycatchesmyeyeofsomeoneIwanttochattooorcan’twaittogetthefiveminutedatewith.Wegrabadrink&headoutsidetoscopeoutthecompetition.Ireckonwe’reinthetoppercentageoutofthewomen,whichalsomakesmefeelconfidentbutnomanreallycatchesmyeyeatall.FUCK.
Aswesettleinfordateafterdateafterdateafterfuckingdate,Irealisethatthereprobablyisn’tanyonehereforme…Ihavegoodbanterwithsome,goodchatswithothers,butthereisnorealchemistryatall.Itickafewfriendsbutnooneforrelationshipbutyouneverknowoutsidethissettingitmayclickinplace.
IhadinstantchemistrywithNoodleonline&inperson,Ican’teverexpectthatagain.Ibelievethatisrare,soImusttakethatintoconsideration&givetheseguysafairgo.
Aswehaveabreak,Iscoffsomefood&drinkanotherwine,IhavemorefuntalkingtomyfriendthanIdohavingamillionminidateswithrandommen.Butthenightcontinues&doesn’tformegetanybetter!
Waitingfortheemailalwayssucks–it’storture…Absolutetorture!Itcomesjustbefore5:00pm&Ihavetosay,IamsofuckingshockedthatthereareNOmatchesatall…WOW…Asifmyself-esteemwasn’tlowenoughalready,thisisanotherblow.WhythefuckdidIevengotothisstupidevent!
Ionlytickedfriendto5guyssoIwasn’texpectingalotofmatchesanyway,ImeanthemaxIcouldgetwouldbe5anywayrightbutfuckinghell,notoneoftheguysItickedfriendevensawmeasafriend!Notoneguy!Fuckme…Imustbeacompletedud!
Itrytolaughitoffwithmyfriendaswechataboutit,Imakejokes,butIamactuallyhurtaboutthis…AmIseriouslythatuglyOrmakethatbadofafirstimpression!
Ineedtogobackto2020ofnosex…
Thisissouldestroying!
2020canonlygetbetter…
HOWFUCKINGWRONGWASI!
SoI’mafuckingbitch!Youcansayit,Iwon’tbeoffended!Obviouslynothingyouguyscansaywilloffendmeatthispointinmystory,I’vehearditall!Maybethough,thisiswhymykarmaissobadwithmen!Hahaha…Ihavethisguyinsuchavulnerableposition&Iamnotsorryaboutit.He’satwat,he’sliedabouthisname&liedabouthisrelationshipstatus.I’msostupidforthinkingthisguyissingle.Iknewtherewassomethingnotrightabouthim.Ijustknewit…I’vebeentoldI’mintuitive&Ishouldtrustit…Ineverdo&lookwhereIendup,adickinmymouththat’sattachedtoyetanotherliar.
FUCKthough–thelookonhisface…Hesitsup&Ijustkeepsucking,it’slikesomesortofmovie…YouknowthesceneinSwordfishwhenHughJackmanisgettingablowjobwithaguntohishead!Wellthisissortoflikethat,althoughthatwasn’tmyaimormyintention,itjustsortofhappenedlikethat.Lookingbackonitnow,Ifeelalittlebadforhim&alsorealisewhatanunsafepositionIhaveputmyselfintoo…TherecouldbeanexplanationforhisrelationshipstatusonFacebook.MaybetheyjustbrokeupMaybethey’reonabreakI’llprobablygetaliefromhimsayingeitherofthosethingswheninactualfacttheyareprobablystilltogether…
Tomysurprise,hesaysthatshedoesn’tsuckhiscockmuch&definitelynotlikeIdo,hesaysthatheloveshowIsuckhiscock(Anotherglowingreview!)buthestopsmenow&wesittochat…WellIhavetwochoices,I’vealreadyfuckedtheguysonomatterwhathe’salreadycheatedonher.Weenduphavingsex&thengooutsideoncewe’redressed&talksomemore.Ireallylikethisguy,obviouslynowhe’sgoingtobenothingbutafriendbutatleastIknow&amnotbeingliedtooconstantly.Hesaysthatthey’vebeentogethersixmonths(AREYOUFUCKINGKIDDINGME!),he’sjustmovedinwithherashe’ssellinghishouse(thatexplainsthetwoaddressesbullshit)&he’salsocheatedonherbefore(SERIOUSLY!).Hetellsmethatsheknowsabouttheotherwoman&chosetostaywithhimbutasshe’sanursedoingmainlynightshiftshe’salwaysbyhimselfatnight.Hesaysthattheylivewithhersister&herboyfriendsosheisalwaysspyingonhimotherwisehewouldstayoverthenight.Heleaves&IthinkthatI’mnevergoingtohearfromhimagain.Nobigloss,thoughheisafunnyguy,Iknewtherewassomethingtoogoodtobetrueabouthimthough!
ThenextdayIgetamessagefromhimsayingIfreakedhimoutbutifIamhappytobehisfriend,hangoutcasuallyhewon’tlieorspinbullshittome,IexplainedthatIhatebeingliedtoo&hatethtbullshitevenmore.
Heinviteshimselfoveronenight,messagingforhoursthathe’sonhisway,IaskhimifhemeansrealtimeorT**ytimeHelaughs&tellsmethathe’sneverontime…ThisisaboutwhenIthinkthisdudeisonsomething…Iamprettysurehe’soffhisheadondrugs.WhenhericksupatmyhouseIaminbedbecauseit’s10:00pmonaWednesdaynight,he’sbeenmessagingsinceIfinishedworksayinganotherorhourorhe’llbeafewminutesetc.Wedohavesex,goodsexbuthedoesn’tcumatall–anothersignthatthereissomethingupwiththisdude&drugs.IhaveYouTubeon&hestartspickingsongs&welaytherejustcuddling.TObehonest,eventhoughIknowhe’swithsomeoneelseit’sreallynicejustlayingtherewithsomeone.IhatethatIwantthisformyself…FUCK.
Anothernight,maybethenextnightorafewdayslater,hecomesover,it’sahotsummernight&we’resittingoutsidechatting,justlikemates,havingafewbeers.HeaskedtohaveashoweratmyhousewhichIamokwith,howeverheleaveshisrazor&showergelbehindinthebathroom…Healsoleavesabunchofgroceriesbehind&afriendjokesthathe’smovingin–preparingforwhenshekickshimtothekerb…OMG–Ineverthoughtofthatbutmaybehewassubtlyleavingthingsbehindonpurpose!
Thenextnighthesaysthathe’sgoingtocomeoverbutasIamwaitingforagesforhimagainasusual–notthatI’mdoinganythingathomeanywaybutthenhesaysthathe’scleaninghishouse&can’tcometominebutI’mwelcometocometohishousethathe’sselling&hangout.Ifigurewhynot,whenhesaysthathe’soutgettingdrinksbutasksmetobringeverythingbesidesthevodka,Ialsopackuphisleftovergroceries&takethemwithme,nowayisthismanthinkinghe’sgotmeashisfallbackwhenshedumpshissorryass…Idon’tthinkI’vetoldyoueitherbuthelosthisjob,tobehonesthe’sthetypethatissoharddoneby,thetypethatnojobisgoodenoughforhim.He’sgotthewoeismeattitude,thattheworldoweshimsomething,thatheshouldbeinabetterjobbuthisbossesarecunts,notthatheisn’tahardworkerorputtingineffort…Hedoesn’tseewhathedoesbutIcansortofseewhyhewasfired.
Ihopethetitlegotyourattention!
Havingaskedthatquestion,IrealisethatIamnotthetypeofwomantostalksomeonebyheadingtotheirgymtoseeiftheircaristhere,likeIdidonthatfatefuldaywhenIendedit,soIknewitwasthetimetocutitoff,nomatterhowmuchithurt–ithurtswitheveryheartbeat.Imadetherightdecisionbasedonmyactions,butnowIthinkIrealisethatmyactionswerejustabyproductofotherthingshappeningmy9-5life.
Ialsonoticearoundthistimeorafewweekslater,thathe’sdeletedhisFetlife(kinkyFacebook)account–theonething,theonesocialmediathatwehad,thatwe’dsaidyearsbeforethatwehadthatwecouldfindeachotherinthefuture,he’snowdeletedit–orworseblockedmeonit.Ican’tstopcryingaboutthis.Iamheartbrokenalloveragain.Ihavenothinglefttofindhimon,chattohimorseehimon.Thathurtsmealottobeperfectlyhonest!
Inoticethathe’schangedhimnameontheanonymousapptoo,I’mnotsurewhenhedidthat,butInoticeitwhenIsendhimaChristmasmessage,Ican’thelpmyselfwhenIamdrunk&sadbutIthensendhimanewyearsmessage&thenagain,Isendhimsomethingforhisbirthdayinearly2020,whichafewdaysafternewyear’s.Buttheyneversendtohim.Heneverreadsthem…Theysitatsendingforever…Maybehetookmyadvice&finallygotoffthechatapp.Ihopethathehas,butitkillsmethathehas,butit’salsogoodthatheisn’tjusttrollingonlineforsomethingmorethanhispartner&morethanme.FuckIaminagony!Ihaveneverhurtsomuchaboutanything.
Daytoday,noonewouldreallyknowthisisgoingonunlessyou’reclosetome,Iamstrugglingwithotherissues&amrapidlylosingweightbecauseofthat.Ithoughtitwashim,Ithoughtitwasourrelationshipthatwasmybigissue,butclearlyit’snot.Thishurtsmeforsure,butIcutoutwhatIthoughtwasthemainstressor&yetIamstilllosingweight,vomiting&diarrhoeaasIleavethehouse…MaybeSilverliningwasn’tmyproblem!
FUCK,whatdidIdo!
Curiositygetsthebetterofme,soIlookheruponFBbutit’snother…SoItellJ-Lotosendmeapictureofwhohe’slookingatbecauseIcan’tfindher.Hesendsmeapicture&Iamreadytosighasighofrelief,however,it’sfuckingNoodleinherprofilepicture,sheisinaweddingdress&heisinsuit.Hisfacelookssofat–fatterthanIrememberhimbeing,hedoesn’tlookhappyatall,hiseyesareagiveaway,helookssomiserable&she’slookingupathimadoringlywithherheadonhisshoulder.Itsaysthatthey’remarried…Herlastnameisthesameashis…
Theygotmarried4daysafterIendeditwithhim…
4fuckingdays!
Iamfuckingangrythat10daysbeforehiswedding,hewasfuckingmeontheircouch&nevermentionedittome–itwouldhavebeenplannedbeforeheevenstartedtalkingtomeinAugustasastranger&thenafterIendedit,hesaiditwasn’tthelasttimethathe’deverfuckme(becauseofwhatIsaidinthegoodbyeemail.)Itwasthelasttime.Hewasdistant&worriedaboutherfamilycomingoverfrominterstate,he’dtoldmethat,Ijustdidn’trealisethattheywerecomingoverfortheirwedding.Theirfuckinggoddamnwedding!
He’sactuallymarried…He’sfuckinggivenherhissurname…Hesaidtilldeathdousparttothiswoman,whenIhavenodoubtthathewasthinkingofmethatday…Ihatethatshe’sgotthelifethatIwant&thathedoesn’tthinkthathe’sgoodenoughforme.Ihatethathedoesn’tgetthelifehewantsbecausehe’stooscaredtolosehiskidsortoogutlesstochoosethelifehewants…
FUCK.
Iamsosure,thatNoodlewasthinkingaboutmeonhisweddingday.Thereisabsolutelynodoubtinmymindaboutthat.Evenifonlyhealloweditforasplitsecond,Iknowhedid!Ialwaysthoughtthatonyourweddingday,youwouldbesocommittedtothepersonyouaresayingIdowith,soinlovewiththepersonthatnooneelsecouldeverenteryourmind.Thefactthathelovesme,&saidhelovesmetomyfaceonly10daysbeforethis&hemarriedheranyway,makesthedreamofmyweddingjustshatter…Iwillnevergetmarriednow,asIknow,thatifanyoneeverdoesproposetome,Noodlewillpopintomyhead,IknowhewillevenifIamnotinlovewithhim.IwillthinkofNoodleonmyweddingday&Idon’teverwanttodothattoanotherperson.It’snotfair&Ifeelforhiswife–honestlythatisworsethanhavinganaffair!That’sfuckedup&Iamsodestroyedbythisnews.
IdonotknowwhatIamdoingwithT**ytobehonest,whyhaveIallowedhimtocometomyhouse,letalonefuckme…ThereissomethingIcan’tquiteputmyfingeronwiththisguybuthe’sreallyfunny,goodlooking&eventhoughIsaidnodatingin2020(RememberIambehindinmywritingtimeframe,Idon’tusuallywriteinrealtime)thereisalsothatstupidthinginmyheadthatthisguycouldjustbetheguy.He’ssingle,he’scute,he’sseeminglyinterestedinme,yestherehavebeensomeredflags,butisanyoneeveractuallycompletelyredflagfree!
Afterwehavesex,hehadcumonmybelly&Iamnotsurewhymenfindthatsohottobehonest,Iwouldhavethoughtthatcumminginsidewouldbehotter,buttheguysIseemtodatealsolikethefactthatIdon’tjustjumpup&showersoIweartheircumalldaythenextdayorifwe’vehaddaysex,duringtherestofthatday.
T**ydoesn’tjumpupstraightaway–readytoleaveassoonashe’scumlikeotherguysdo,whichIlike.Helaysthere,nexttome,notreallytouchingmebutsometimeshedoes&helaysthereforareallylongtime,justchattingaboutallsortsofcrap&Ifeelverycomfortablewithhim.Thebanterflowseasily&hesaysafewtimesthathewantstostayoverthenightbuthedoesn’thavehistoolsforworktomorroworanythingtowear,Iammildlydisappointedwhenhefinallygetsup&startsgettingdressed,butit’sverylateonaSundaysoIamreadyforhimtogo.Hegenuinelyseemsdisappointedtoleave.
Irefusetomessagehim,heshouldmessagemefirst,right!Imeanit’salwaysbeenmyrule–mystupidrulethatgotmeintotroublewithNoodlethefirsttime.ButwhenIseeonthechatappthathehasanotheraccountwithhisfakeprofilepicturewithanothername&bothofthemareinthesamegroup,Istarttowonderwhatthisguyisallabout.
HoweveraboutmiddayIgetamessagefromhim–ontheappheapparentlydeletedonourdate,hehasmyphonenumbersothereisnoneedtobeusingthechatapp,buthedoes.Hetalksaboutthesexsayinghewantstoseemeagain&lovesmyass…Whatisitaboutmyass,Ineverthoughtitwasthatgood…Wealsochatviatextwhichisweird,chattingonbothappsbutwhatever,Isendhimapictureofmyass&hesayshewantstofuckmelikethatsoIstartthetopicofanalbuthesayshedoesn’tlikeanalbutwoulddoitifIwantedtoo…HeasksmeifIhavetimeforaquickiebutIdon’t&realisethatmyperiodhascometoo,soIjustignorehismessagestillhe’smessagedtosaythathe’salreadyonhiswayhome.
AsalwaysItalktoJ-Loabouthim&J-Lolovesastalk,helovestofindthesemenonFacebookorwherever&findouttheirdeal.I’mnotmuchofastalker,Idon’twanttoknowbutstupidlyIalwaysallowJ-Lotostalkforme…Idon’tknowwhybuthelovestofindpeople,buthecan’tfindatraceofthisguyT**yanywhere…!Odd!Ordoesthisguygenuinelynothaveanysocialmediapresence!
ThenextdayIdon’thearfromT**yatallorseehimonthechatapp,sobyabout9:00pm,Idecidetomessagehim&Iaskifhethoughtaboutmyasstoday&hesaysthathedid.Hedoesn’tseemthatkeeptochatbutasksmeIfIthoughtofanythingelse,whenIsaythatIthoughtofhimsuckingmynippleswhilefuckingmehejustsays“Mmmmm”.SoIdon’treply.ThenextdayIhavehadtheworstdayever,it’sonly10:30am&IamheadinghomewhenIgetamessagefromhimaskingifIamgoingtobehomesoon.Oddly,yesIamsoIsaythatIam&hesaystocallhimwhenI’mfree…thenhesayshecancomearound2:00pm.Noproblems,Igetinthecar&amdrivinghome,Ihitcallonhisnumber&itrings&rings&rings.Itgoestohismessagebank…Iexpecttohearsomethinglike“Hiyou’vereachedT**y,leaveamessage”butthereishiscutevoicesayingacompletelydifferentname.Whattheactualfuck…Iknewit!
WhenIgetamessagefromhimlaterwhichisjust,IguesssortofaskingwhyIcalled,Ijustsayhetoldmetocall.Isitthereforageswonderingaboutwhattodo,atmiddayIaskifhe’scomingat2:00pmbecausehehasn’tsaidanything,hesaysyes&Iaskifheneedsmyaddressbeinghefollowedmehere,hethenasksis4:00pmisok.Isayitis.
Whenitgetsthebetterofme,Istalk,IknowIsaidIdon’tstalkbutIthinkyou’llallagreethiswarrantsastalk,Itypeinhisvoicemailname&thefirstpersontopopupasasuggestiononFacebookishim.Heissittingonavintagecouchoutsideindressedupclothes,seeminglyataweddingora21sttypesetting,thereisachicknexttohimleaningonhim,herheadonhisshoulder,herlegsarecrossed&hisarmisdrapedoverherlegs,theyhavebigsmilesontheirfaces&bothareholdingabeerbottle…FUCK.Iscrolldownhisprofilealittlebitwhenithitsme“Inarelationshipwith*********”DoubleFuck.ThisiswhyIdon’tfuckingstalk…
NowIhave2options,toditchthedickhead&justmoveonwithmylife…Butasyouallknow,thisisnotwhatIdo,he’sknockingonmydoorwhenIrealisethathe’snotwhohesaysheissoInowhaveachoice,doIsaysomethingthesecondhewalksinordoIwait&seewhatifheishonest&tellsmehisrealnameImeanhenowmustknowthatIknowhisnameisnotwhathesaysitis,hecan’tbethatstupid!Surely!Idecidequicklytoseewhathappens,Iwon’tmentionit&seehowlongittakeshimtosaysomething…Surelyhewon’ttakelongtobringitup.
13February2015
Asipofgiraffeurine
AswinterturnstospringinManitoba,Canada,thesnakesemergefromunderneaththegroundinsearchofbothfoodandsex.Theygettogetherinaggregationsthatcannumbertensofthousandsofindividualsandwigglearoundinmassive,writhingmatingballs.Theballsarecreatedafterthefemalesreleaseapheromonethatindicatestheirpresence,asortofserpentineclarioncall.Malesfromalloversniffheroutandslitheronover,hopingforachancetofathersomelimblessoffspringoftheirown.
ThreeiscompanyforNorthAtlanticRightwhales
Sexualfrenzyofthegrunionfish
Buprestidbeetlesmatewithbeerbottles
Perhapsoneofthemostcommonwaysinwhichhumanstrytospicethingsupinthebedroomisthroughtheuseofsextoys,orlesscommonly,inflatablesexualpartners.Theseareusuallysiliconeorplasticobjectsthathavebeenmadetoresemblemaleorfemaleanatomy,eithervisuallyorbehaviorally,orboth.Luckily,ourbigfatprimatebrainsusuallyknowthedifferencebetweenasextoyandtherealthing.NotsoforanAustralianjewelbeetlecalledJulodimorphabakewelli.
Soyou’reprobablythinkingthisisafuckingdumbidea,thatthisguyisadickhead,he’salreadystoodmeuponce,thatthisguydoesn’tdeserveanotherchance,butyouknowwhat.I’mclearlyanidiot–ifthelast400+blogsyou’vereadaboutmedon’talreadytellyouthat,thenIdon’tknowwhatIcansay!Hahaha.Itmakesforgoodreading,right!SostupidlymyheadisthinkingaboutthePsychic&thatthiscouldbethemanIdeserve,themannamedT**y,he’ssocute,funny,nicebody&seeminglyintome.Sowhywouldn’tIgivehimasecondchance!
Alsoforthoseofyouwho’vehadashatteredheart–notjustbrokenbutabsolutelyshattered,youwouldknowthatdoesalsoweirdthingstoyou,itmakesyoudothingsthatyouwouldn’tnormallydo.Itmakesyourheadthinkthingsthatyouwouldn’tnormallythink.WellthisishowIamfeeling.Lasttimemyheartwasshattered,Ifuckedeverythinginsight.ThistimeIletmyselfhealalittlebetterwithoutfuckingeverydudethateverylived,Ihavetakenthetimetodoabitofhealing,ImeanIhavehadsex,afterallitisme&Ihaveavaginathatthinkslikeadick.Butthereissomethingnotrightaboutthisguy,butthereissomethingpullingmetohimtoo–ifthatmakessense.
T**ysaysthathewillmeetmebackatthesamepubthatweweresupposedtomeetatearliertoday.Nowthethingsaboutthisisit’saSundaynightinthesuburbsatabout9:00pm,soIamthinkingthatthisplaceisn’tgoingtobeopenlong&thiswillbeashortdateanyway.
Whenwe’reatthebar,Idon’tknowwhybutsomethingaboutthewayheholdshiscreditcardtopayforthedrinks,makesmetrytolookatthenameonthecard,IamnotsurewhyIamtrying&whyitbothersmethatIcan’tseeit,butishebeingweirdwithiscardoramIimaginingit!Itrytoletitgobutitbugsmetheentirenight…Especiallypairedwithotherthingshesaysduringthenight.
SolikeeveryguyI’veeverdated,whomeetsme&I’msureit’shappenedtomanyofyoutoo,theytellyouwhileonthedateforlike20minutes,thattheyaregettingoffline,theyaredeletingalltheirsocialmedia.Somewillevendeletetheappwhileonthedate.WellT**yisexactlythisdude,hetellsmehe’sdeletingthechatappbutallhedoesisdeletetheapp,Iexplainthathehastogotoawebsitetodeletehisaccountwhichhedoesbutdoesn’tgothroughwithit.Hetellsmehe’sdeletedsnapchat&Instagram,thathe’soverallthatshittoo…Againthispiquesmyinterestasnooneneedstoeverneedstosaythis,butwhenguysdoitmakesmesuspicious.IguesstheysayitsoIdon’tgosnooping&lookforthem–whichIneverdoanyway,howeverwhentheytellmetheyaredeletingtheirsocialmedia,itmakesmewanttosearchforthem!WhysayitIamnotdeletingmyappsafterthefirstdate,Iamnotthatdeludedtothinkthatmanwilldoiteither.
Thedategoesreasonablywellthough,althoughhe’sasmoker,Iamnot,sohedoesleavemeonceforasmoke,notforalongtimeeitherbuthedoesgooutside.Wetalkopenlyaboutsex&hisdickpicturesthathepostsonthechatapp&Itellhimthatithasascabonitfromwherehe’scuthimselfshavinghispubes.Wealsotalkaboutmyvaginatoobutit’snothingthatexcitinghowever,itisthemostopenI’vebeenwithaguyIdon’tknowaboutsex.
OnefunnythingthatIwillneverforget&don’tknowwhyhewouldsharewithmetobehonest,buthetellsmethathehasaspoonintheshower–errr,whereisthisgoing!&hescrapeshisfacewithiteveryday.WHATWhatdoesthatevendo.Hetellsmethatitscrapesawayallthedeadskin&itkeepshisskinnice.Okiedokie.That’stheweirdestthingIhaveeverheard…
Webothtalkaboutbeingfatinthepast&howhardwe’veworkedtogetwhereweare,healsotellsmethathehasatwinsisterwhoisquitelarge,showingmeapictureofher,sheisbiggerthanIeverwas&heshowsmeapictureofhimtoo&howbighewas.Iamimpressed,thisduehasaverynicetannedbody&looksnothinglikehissister.
Aswe’reinthepokiesareawithnooneelse,wehavetwobeers&it’saprobablylike11:00pmonaSundaynight,sowesayweshouldgo,it’scolderoutsideforthisshortskirtIamwearingforJanuaryweather,whenwegettomycar,Istandthereawkwardly,heleansupagainstmycar&pullsmetohimsayinghe’scold,thenhekissesme,hereallykissesme.IknowIhavehadsexwithtwomen,butthiskissisprobablyoneofthehottestI’vehadwithaguyIdon’tevenknow.Hishandisupthebackofmyskirt&feelingmybareishassasIwearcheekielacepanties…IcanfeelhimgethardagainstmeasIrunmyhandsuphismusclyarms.Thisissosexy…Idon’tknowifIcanresisthim,Idon’tknowifIcanresistnotaskinghimbacktomyhouse…Hesayssomethingaboutgettinginthebackofmycar&IsaythatIdon’tlivefardidhewanttocomebackforadrink…WTFHesaysofcourse&hefollowsmehome,whenwe’reinsidewehaveabeer,sittingoutsideashesmokesbeforeheaskstotakemeintothebedroom.
Hehasaprettybigcock,it’squitenicetohavesexwith,Ifeelfairlycomfortablewiththisguy,eventhoughthereareredflagseverywhere,Ishouldhavemyguardup,Ishouldn’tbedoingthiswithhimsoquickly.Especiallysinceearliertodayhestoodmeup!Whatthefuck…Ireallyneedtogetmyvaginatocatchupwithmyheadsometimes…Itreallythinksforitself!
Well…Youdidn’tthinkthere’dbeaT**y#2didyouNeitherdidItobehonest.Ifeltsostupid&foolish…Ineverrealisedthatsomeoneelsecouldmakemefeelsofoolish!IonlythoughtSilverliningwouldhavethatpoweroverme.HoweverIrealisethatitismewhomakesmefeelfoolish,Ifallforthisbullshit,becausewhileIamnotadesperado,Iam100%lonely&Iwantapartner.RememberthatIWANTapartner,Idon’tNEEDit.Butforsomereasonnothingeverworksoutforme.Ihateit…
Iliterallygethomefromthefaileddate–thestand-up–oneofthemosthumiliatingmomentsofmylife&thereisamessagefromT**yonmychatapp…Idon’twanttolookatit!Idon’twanttoevenseewhatthisguyhastosaybutIcanseealittleoftheconversationinthenotificationsthatheismessagingthathegotheldup&is5minutesaway,heaskswhereIam&thathe’s2minutesaway.Hesaysthathedidn’tseemeinthere.It’salmost1:00pm,Imeanweweresupposedtomeetat12:15pm,doeshereallythinkIamjustsittingtherelikeashagonarockbymyselfwaitingforhim!IclickonthemessagessoheseesthatIreadthem&ignore–howpassiveaggressiveofme.Igetsomequestionmarks,thenIgethisphonenumberaskingmetocallhim…Hmmmm.Nooneisthatquicktogiveouttheirphonenumberontheseapps,somywallstartstocomedown–hisnameisT**yafterall,hecouldbetheoneshewastalkingabout,howeverIamnotcallinghim.Iamstillpissed&tellhimthatIfeltlikeawanker,thatwasthefirsttimeIhaveeverbeenstoodup.IhatethatIgotdressedinacutedress&lookedgoodtoday!Fuckhim.I’mgoingtomakehimfeelbad!
Hesaysthathehadaflatbatteryaftergettingpetrol,hehadtogetajumpstart.Hesendsabout5messagessayinghe’ssorry&hewantstomakeituptome,thathe’ssorryformakingmefeelshit,hewantstomakeituptome&takemeoutfordinner…Thisisalotofeffortforsomeonehehasn’tevenmet!WhydomendothisIshereallyinterestedinmeIsthiswhatbeingchasedfeelslike!
IamstillangrysoIsaythathecouldhavemessagedme,likeit’snothardtosendatexttosay“mycarisbrokendown,I’llbe20minutes.Sosorry”butnopeIgetsomething45minutesafterwe’resupposedtomeet.Iknewmygutinstinctwasright&whyIdidn’tgointhepubbecausesomethingwasn’trightaboutthisguy.IsendhimapictureofhowIlook&say‘pityforyouIlookamazingtoday’hesaysthatIdolookhot&hedidwanttomeetme,beggingtoseeme,askinghowhecanmakeituptome.Thathefeelsbadetc.Hesendsmesomepicturesofhim&OMG,hehasanicefuckingbody!Plushe’sfuckingcute…FUCK…Myvaginamustcontrolitself…Donotgetwet,DONOTGETWET!Hahaha…Luckymyheadisstillfuckingangry&it’snotlikeitwaswithNoodle/SilverLining,thatIwouldbeangry&stillbedrippingwetwhenhesentmepictures…
Oksotobehonest,wechateasilybutIdon’tlethimoffeasyeventhoughhisvoicesoundssofuckingcuteit’smeltingmyicyexteriorrapidly.Doublefuck.Wetalkforabout20minutesbeforemysisterrocksuptomyhouse–I’drecentlylearnedsomenewskillstotakeupmytime,insteadoflookingforboystochattooonline,Ihaddonesomebeautycourses&startedanewhobby,mysisterwasonherwaytogethereyelashesdone.ButthewholetimeIamwithher,IamthinkingaboutT**y.HemessagesmeinstantlytotellmeIsoundhot,butIreplythatheknowwhatIlooklike,he’sseenpictures,buthesaysthatIsoundhottoo…Isittheredoingmysisterslashes,wonderingifIamgoingtogivethisguyasecondchanceornot.ShouldIIgaveSilverliningasecondchance,surelythisguydeservesonetooYeshemademefeellikeafool&yeshewasthefirstpersontostandmeupever…DoeshedeserveasecondchanceShouldImeethimAfterallthepsychicsaidthatIwouldmeetsomeonenamedT**y&hewouldbegoodforme.Surelythisistheman,Idecidedtogiveupondating&thisiswhatthehigherbeingsentme!PerhapsIshouldjustmeethimforonelittledrink…Whatharmcouldthatdo!
Nowwe’reatthestartof2020….Thenodatingorchattingtomenisgoingwell!Butthisblogwouldnotsurvivewithasex/datingdroughtfromme…Imeanit’sbarelysurvivedmywritinghiatus…
Soyou’llallrecallifyou’rearegularreader,thatbackwhenitendedwithSilverlining(akaNoodleashewasknownbackthen)thefirsttime,IwenttoPsychicfair&wasaskedaboutaT**yinmylife.Obviouslyatthatpointtherewasn’taT**yinmylife.MotocrossBrotherwasaT**ybutIwasn’tattractedtohimwhenhetriedtochattome.PeoplethatbelieveinpsychicsthatItoldaboutMotocrossallbelievedthatMotocrosswasthereasonIwouldhaveaT**y&maybethepsychicjustgotitalittlewrong.IwasonlyinterestedinMotocross&wasnevergoingtogoforhisbrother.ButonefriendapparentlygotgoosebumpswhenItoldheraboutthepsychicsprediction&thatMotocrossbrotherwasT**y,shewasadamantthatthatwastheconnection&thatMotocross&Iwerewhatshewastalkingabout…WellnosuchluckwithMotocross–orhisbrother.Hahaha.
SosincethePsychic,thathasbeentheonlyT**yinmydatinglife,soweallassumeditwasthat.ButwheneveraT**ycomesuponmyonlinedatingormyFacebookoranywhere,evenatwork,Ithinkthiscouldbetheguy,theonethepsychicsaidI’dbewith…Howeverasyouallknowthatisnotthecase!Hahaha.
HeaskswhatIdowantthen,whichIexplain,issortofwhatIhadwithMilkyTBH.Iknewhewasn’tlookingforanyoneelserightinfrontofmyface–forexampleinmygrouponthechatapp.Hewasdatingothersbecausehe’dtoldmeaboutit,buthewasn’tthrowingitinmyfaceinachatapp.WewerefriendsuntilIthoughtIcaughtsomesortoffeelingsforhim.NowIknowwhatfeelingsare,IknowthatIcankeepthemseparatethistime.Hesaysthathe’snotkeentousethechatappanyway(Notthisoldchestnut)&sayshe’sprobablygoingtodeleteitsoon,I’veheardthatbefore&hesays“Hangout&onepersonwhoyouhavegoodsexwith.Whygoanywhereelsethen!!”Wellyeahthat’swhatIwantbutIdon’treallywanttheboyfriendtitle…Itellhimthatit’sprettymuchimpossible“Becausemostguysthinkwiththeirdicks&theygetscaredthatI’mgoingtofallforthemifwehangtoomuchorhesleepsover…”Hesaysthathe’snotlikemostguys,whichfuck,ifIhadadollarforeverytimethataguyhadsaidthat,Iwouldn’tneverworkagain!
Isaythat“IwanttoprettymuchgettoapointIdon’thavetousecondomswithsomeoneI’mfriendswith,gotothemovieswithorhang&havedinner…whatever…ButIdon’twantaboyfriend”WhydoIsaythistomenallthetimeImeanIdon’tthinkIwantaboyfriend,butdoIIhavenofuckingideawhatIwant,let’sfaceit.
IhaveamomentwhereIamlike“Howdidyougetmetopm…INEVERpmpeople…!”Fuckhowdidthisguygetmetochattohim,thatfuckingcutesmilegotmeallinapantytwist!WTFiswrongwithmevagina,IdidsaythatIwasgoingtolookaftermyselfin2020!Hesaysthathedidn’twanttochatinthegroups,justtome,hesaysthatheonlyverifiedwithme&wasjustaboutto“bail&deletethechatapp”saysthathe’snotafan&hecanbebotheredwithalltherules…Yeahpeopletakeitallsoseriouslythesedays.Itellhimthoughthatheseemssuss,withhisweirdpicture,himnotknowingwhatsuburbhelivesin&thefactthathekeepsaskingtocatchupreallyquickly.AgainI’veheardthisallbefore,yetsomehowIamfallingforitfromthisguy…Didn’tTTteachmeanythingAmIsodesperateforaffection!
Wegetontothetopicofmybackyardforabit&thingshewilldoformeifwe’reFWBthenheaskstosendpictures,Irollmyeyes.Imeanfuck,whydomendothat…Hesendsmeapictureofhimwithhisdog&Isendhimanotherbitmoji(snapchatcartoon)picture,thenhesays“About12”OMG,hewants12pictures!Nohesays,hewantstomeetat12,tomorrow…It’sallhappeningsofast,butIfindmyselftellinghimthatIwon’thavemuchtime&thatIamnotfuckinghim.Butthenhestartstowriteonewordanswers&soIsaychattometomorrow,I’mgoingtosleep!
Afewdaysbeforetheendof2019,Iseethisguyenteroneoftheroomsinthechatapp.Ibarelyprivatemessageanyoneanymore&Ihaven’tchattedalottopeoplesinceendingwithSilverliningthesecondtime.AsyouknowTimTam&ElvisaretheonlyguysI’vebeenwithsinceendingwithhimover2monthsago.Atthetimeofthisstory,TimTamisstillinthepicture,buthe’snotbeentalkingtomemuch,soIhavebeenbored,chattingelsewherebuthavedefinitelynotfuckingorinterestedinfuckinganyoneelse.IhatethatIhavelosttheonethingIwanted&IknowthatwhenSilverlining&Igotbroughtbacktogether,Ihadfuckedeverythingunderthesun&whileit’snoneofhisbusiness,Itoldhim&don’twanttodothatagain,itwasunfulfillinganyway,soIdon’twanttofallintothattrapagain.
Thisguystartschattingtome&he’scute.Wehavegoodbanter,butIthinkit’llbenothing.Hesaysthathe’shavingatrialseparationfromhisFWBwhohe’sonlybeenseeingafewmonths…Whattheactualfuck…Firstly,whoevenhavea“trial”separation,eitheryouseparateoryoudon’t.Idon’tevenunderstandhowthatworks,Iunderstandtakingabreakbutnotatrialseparation…&alsoit’shisFWB…ThisisafuckinghugeliethatIdon’tevengiveashitabout.
Iendupgivinghimmysnapchat,whichInevergiveoutbecauseIhatethatit’smywholename,first&last.SoItrynottogiveittoanyone.ButIdotothisguy…
We’rechattingthedayElviscomesover,Elvisisrunninglate&beingannoyingtakinghistimegettinghere.TTalsosayshe’sdeletingthechatapp&that’swhyIneededtoaddhimonsnapchat.However,thishasallpissedmeoff,TTisstillchattinginthegroupsI’min&Elvisissupposedtobeheretofuckmebuthasn’trockedupyet.
LaterwhenTTischatting,askinghowthesexwas,Itellhimthatitwasgood&hesaysthathewantstofuckme,butI’veprobablyhadmyfix.Wellyes,Ihave,Elviswasverygoodtodayinthebedroom,Idon’tneedmoresex,plusIdon’tknowthisguyenoughtoinvitehimover!DoIevenwanttoinvitehimover
Sobasicallywiththisguy,everytimeIdon’treplywithinminutes,hemessagestoaskifIamalive.Becauseit’ssnapchatIsendafewpicturesbutnothingtooelaborateasIdon’twanttosendhimmuchbutIsendhimafewthingstokeephiminterested.IamalsomessaginghimthenightIamsupposedtogooutwithCoutrywhoifyoureadalong,you’llknowhebailedbecauseofhissunburn.ThisguyisreadytocomeoverbutIdon’ttellhimthatCoutrybailed.
TTinviteshimselfovertomyhouse,over&overagainbutItellhimthatIdon’tknowhimbutIdosaythatIamsuperdoperhorny(whatasurprise)butwhenhesendsmeapictureofhiscock,it’ssuperlong,whichyouallknowthatIdon’tlikeastheyhurtme,soIpreferanicethicksmallercocktofitinsideme.Idon’tthinkIwouldevengethisinsidemewithoutithurtingmyovaries.
Heasksagain&again&saysthathecanbethererightnow,butIsayIdon’tknowhimwellenough.Hesaysat2:13pmthathecanbeatmyhousebutwillleaveneedtoleaveby3:00pm,butItellhimthatIthinkthatweshouldmeetatpubfirst,ImeanIhaveseenpicturesofhisface&body&everythingbutIamnotsureIwanttogetinvolvedwithaweirdoIdon’tknow.Hetalkstomeaboutmeetinghimataparkinsteadofapub&wecanhaveaquickchatthenwecangobacktomyhouse&havefun…IamtemptedbutIamalsostillreelingfrommylastfailedwhateverwithSilverlining.
HekeepsbangingonaboutmeetingtodaybutIkeepsayinghowit’stooquick,bythetimehegetstomyhousewe’llhave30minutes.Hetellsmethathewasn’ttojerkoff&Iambeingfrustrating,thathewillgointoworklater.Whostartsworkat3:00pmonNewYearsEve!WhichisexactlywhatIsay,hesayshe’sanengineer…Likereally!
Whenhegetsinthecartocometomyhouse,Ihaven’tevengivenhimmyaddressbuthesaysthathe’sdrivingsouth…WTF…Ican’tbelieveIamdoingthis!Hesayswedon’tneedtofuckwecouldjust69orsomething…ThenIget“I’msupernervous”WTF.Whyishenervous!
Igiveoutmyaddress&hesays20minutes.WhichmeanIamgoingtobeaonenightstandorsomesortofonceofffuck.IbetIneverseethisguyagain!
Hecomesover&inmydoor,heisshakingwhenhewalksin,he’sactinglikehe’sneverdonethisbefore..Wekissforabitinthehallway,Itakehimdownthehallwaytomybedroom&he’sstillshaking.Hesaystomethatweshould’vemetinapublikeIhadsuggested.WTF!Ishekidding…DoesthatmeanhethinksI’muglyorfat!FUCK.Ididn’twanttodothisinthefirstplace&nowIamfeelinglikeshitwhilethisfuckwitcan’tdecidewhathewants.
Hejumpsup&leaves…orIbasicallykickhimout.HeneverspeakstomeagainbuthestalksmysnapchatstoriesforafewweeksbeforeIdeletehim.
WHATTHEACTUALFUCK!
FYI–Justsoyouknow,heisstillbouncingaroundthechatappin2021…DomenthinkI’mthatstupidtobelieve“I’mdeletingtheapp,I’msoboredwithit”OMG.
ButthisiswhenIactuallymaketheresolutionofsorts:Nodatingin2020.
FUCKDATING.
#RIPIBD4U.
Soanywayjusttowindbacktotheendof2019whenIwasseeingSilverlining,2monthssinceIlastsaworheardfromElvis,heisback!Asyouallknow,IamheavilyinvolvedwithSilverliningagain&it’snotagoodpositiontobein.SoasmuchasIhatedoingit,IengagewithElvis.He’scute,young¬toobadinbed.
NowbecauseIwasn’tthinkingclearlywitheverythinggoingonwithSilverlining&thestuffgoingonatworkthatIdon’trememberalotfromthisbutIknowthereare2timesIcatchupwithElvisduringthistime,Iwrotesomenotesbutthiswillbeprettyvague&sothisisallmainlyfrommemory.However,it’sapartofmystory&somethingthatIfeelisimportanttoexplainwhyIdowhatIdointhefuture&whyIamlikeIam.
SoElviswasseeingsomeonebutthatendedwhichiswhyheismessagingmeagain–Iseemtobehisrebound.Imeanthisguyisafairbityoungerthanmebutheiscute,wegetalong,he’sfunny,he’sfairlysmart,he’scleaneduphisact&workingagain.Besidestheagegap,Iamnotreallysurewhythisguyisn’tinterestedinme,ifhekeepscontactingmewhenhe’ssingle.MaybeIamjustthefuckbuddywithhim…Idon’tknowbutImeanIamnotsureIwantmorebutsurelyIamworthmorethanjustafuckbuddyIalwaysjustthinkIamtooindependent&strongforsomemen.ButthenIseethewomentheyarewithaftermean&realisethattheyarewantingatrophygirlfriend,whichIdon’tthinkIam.Iamnotplasticwithmakeupputonwithatrowel.Iamreal,Ihavewrinkles&Iamnoastickfigurebyanymeans.
Anywayhecomesover&wetalkalot,havingabeerbeforewehavesex,Iendupsittingonthekitchenbenchchattingmainlyaboutfoods,exercise&healthylifestyles,somethingthatwehaveincommon,Istarttothinkthatweactuallyhavealotincommon&Idostarttothink,whyhaveIkeptthismanatarm’slength,isitbecausehe’safriendofmyfriendsex-boyfriend!Aguynooneknowsabout,nooneknowsthatIhaveevermethim,letalonefuckedhim…AnywayIamsittingonthekitchenbench,asubtlehitforhimtomakehismove,whenhedoes.Hecomesuptome,runninghishandsupmylegs&kissingmepassionately.
WhenIamwithsomeoneelse,Idon’tthinkofSilverliningwhilehavingactualsexbuthealwayspopsintomymind…Thistimehedoes&IhatethatIamthinkingaboutSilverlining&whathewouldthinkifheknewIwasabouttofucksomeoneelse.
ElvisandIarenakedinthekitchenbeforeItakehimtomybedroom.Elvistriestobedominate&becausehesayshedoesn’tlastlongwithactualsex,theforeplaygoesonforwhatseemsforever.Iamdefinitelynotcomplaining,he’sgoodatit.Iguesstheonlyweirdthingforme,wellnotweirdasinhe’saweirdobutsomethingIhaveneverhaddonetomebefore,ishelikesfeet,likehasafootfetish,soheplayedwithmyfeetalot&alsosuckedonmytoes.Evenwritingitismakingmefeelweirdinmytummy.Iamnotsureafootworshiperisforme,howeverIallowit&don’tmindtryingthisbutit’sabitoddforme&Istarttowonderifhe’sgoingtoaskmetosuckhistoes.Ireallyhopenotbecauseatthispointhehasn’teventakenoffhissocks.Idon’twanttosuckhistoesbecauseIamnotintothatbutalsotheywouldbehot&sweaty&theflufffromyoursockbetweenyourtoes…Likeewwww…Isn’tthatcalltoejam!It’sawarmdaysonothankyou!I’vebeenwearingsandalsbutIamnotevensureIamcomfortablewithhimsuckingmytoesbutthereyougo,Iallowit.Idon’tthinkIwilldoiteveragain–butyouknowme!Ineversaynever.Hahaha.
Anothertime,IthinkthatSilverlining&Iwerelongover,perhaps.Idon’tgoout&fuckeverythingthatmoves.InfactIonlyhavesexwith3peoplebetweenSilverlining&mynextbigthing…Elvishasjustbrokenupwithanotherchick&contactsmetomeetupwithhim,Iinvitehimover–thistimeittakesabitofplanningforsomereason,butwemakeithappen.IamstillverybrokenfromthewholeSilverliningthing&alsobamboozledbytheTimTamsagathatIthoughtwasgoingsomewhere…
AgainElvis&Istandaroundhavingafewbeersbeforewemoveintomybedroom,thistimeElvisisverydominate.LikesuperdominatethatIdon’tevenknowwherethishascomefrom.He’salwaysbeendominatebutdoesn’ttaketheleadifthatmakessense,hewaitsformetotopfrombottomtodirecthimwhattodo.Thistimehetiesmyuptothebed&makesmecumover&overagainthatIamsquirtingeverywhere.Ihaven’tbeenabletosquirtsinceSilverlining&eventhenthesecondaffairwithhim,Ididn’tsquirtalotinfearofleavingmyDNAplacesitshouldn’tbe!
WhenIamtalking&tellinghimwhatIwanthimtodo,hecoversmymouth&stopsmefromtalking…OMGwhendidElvisgrowsomedominateballsIfuckingloveit.Thoughthethoughtthatalwayspopsintomyheadwhenaguysinnaturallylikethiswithme–IthinkaboutSilverlining!FUCK.
AfterIcum&cum&cum,Elvisdecidestowipeshiscummyhandsallovermyface!OMG,Ilovethis…WhatishappeningIdon’tthinkhe’severbeenthishot!IhavetosayI’mlovinghowdirtyheistoday!Wefuck&hedoesn’tlastlongwhileactuallyhavingbuthisforeplaygameissostrongitdoesn’tevenmatter…
Imessagehimafewmonthslaterwhenthingsaren’treallyhappeningformewithanyonebutIgetanon-committaltypereply,Ifindoutlaterthathehasagirlfriend&theymakeitFacebookofficial,IseethemtogethermeetingthefamilyatChristmas&she’sstunningaseveryguyIhavesexwithendsupwith!I’mhappyforhim,it’sjustabitshit,whydon’tguyshavethechemistrywithmeenoughtoputintheeffortformeAren’tIworthit
Okreaders,thisisadifferenttypeofblogthanIusuallywrite.Iwriteinthehere&now.2021.Thismaychangeyourlife,asithasmine…Wellmysexlifeatleast!Hahaha…
Asadisclaimer,thisblogisvastlyaboutperiods&periodsex.Soifyoudon’tlikethat,youhavebeenwarned!Hahaha.
Sotheissuenowforsomeonesexuallyactivelikeme,withnowayofcontrollingmyperiod,whatthefuckdoyoudowhensomeoneyou’reseeinghatesbloodtothepointit’sanactualphobia(storiestocomenotabouthisphobiabutwho)&whenyoubothhaveahecticschedule,theonlytimehecanseeyouisrightwhatwillbetheseconddayofyourperiod.Ifyoudon’tfucktheguyonthisdayIjustmentioned,thenyouprobablywon’thavesexforwhoknowshowlong.Alsoit’sbeenawhilesinceyouhadsexwiththispersontoo,meaningIamsuperhorny.Pairedwiththehormonesrunningthroughmybody,Iamdeterminedtohavesex.
SobeforeitcomesIrememberafriendtellingmeaboutasponge.Thisfriendis(orwas)areader–alotoffriendsstopreadingastheyfeellikeit’stoohardtoreadsuchintimatedetailsabouttheirfriendssexlife.HoweverIrememberhersayingsomethingaboutaspongeforsex.NowIamnotanexpertonthisnoramItellingyoutodoit.ButIwillsharemyexperienceswithyou&youcandecideATYOUROWNRISKwhatyouwilldoshouldyouneedthishandylifeperiodhack.
Somyfriendexplainedthatyougetaseasponge,likeamakeupone–whichshesaidarehardtofind&stickitinsideyoubeforesex&bingo,messfreeperiodsex.SoundstoogoodtobetruerightThiscouldbeagamechangerforme.
Igoogle.FuckDrgoogleisneveragoodideahoweverasIgoogleseasponges.Myfriendsaystheyarehardtofind–Idon’thavemuchtimetogetonebeforesexdaysoIamsurprisedwhenIfindsomeatPetbarn,BunningsandevenOfficeworks.Notallofthesewillbefitforpurpose,ofcourse,butatleastthesearchisn’tgoingtoberidiculouslikeshethoughtitmightbe.Themostexcitingpartofthisgooglesearchisfindingastorecalltheperiodstorewhostockthemasreusabletampons.WhoknewthiswasathingThiseasesmymindabitmore.Theycanbeleftinfor8hours&washed,reused&greatfortheenvironment–abitlikeamenstrualcupwhichIhavenobeenabletobringmyselftousebecauseIreckonit’dbemessy.
Daytwoofperiod,dayofsex.Ihadspentthenightgooglingotherswhohavedonethis&gotafewtips.EspeciallyfromtheQLDsexworkerwebsite,helpingsexworkerstousethem&whattosaytoclients.Whoknewthiswasactuallyarealthing.Oneladywhodidareviewonablogorsomething,seemedtoputthespongeinsideherdry&saidshecouldfeelituntilitwasmoistenedwithherfluidsIguess,whereasmyfriendsaidtowetit.Ididplaywithitthenightbefore,feelingthatitgotabittoowetifIdrencheditinwater.Sointhemorningwhenit’salittledrier,Iaddafewdropsofwatertomakeitpliablebutnotsoakingwet.AsIpokeitin,itgoesineasierthanIexpectedforasponge.IpushitinasfarasIcan,thenfeelaroundtoseeifhe’llnoticeit.Ican’treallyfeelitthatIstarttostressabouthowIamgoingtogetthefuckingthingbackout!Thesizeisperfect,Idefinitelydon’twantanybiggerliketheonesIsawatbunnings.
Sexisthesame,itfeelsnodifferentforme,heneversaysanythingaboutitbeingdifferenteither.Sothespongeisasuccessfulplug.Thereisnoblood&Ifeelverywet–whichisusualforme,Idofreakoutafewtimesthinkingit’sbloodbutit’snot.Heevengoesdownonme&Idon’tmind–iffactIcumhard…(Iusuallydon’tletguysgodownonmeduringmyperiod).
Whenitwastimetotakeoutthesponge,Istartedfreakingout–eventhoughtheycanbeusedasatamponaccordingtowebsites,Iwanteditoutasap.AsIslidemycleanfingerin,everythingfeltthesame,soft,warm,wet&squishy.WherethefuckisthespongeSoIliterallysquatsoclosetothegroundinthebathroom&IthinkIfeelit.Isawapictureongoogledrawnofcoursewherethepersonhookstheirfingerarounditorsliptwofingersin&pinchitout.Butaftersex,Icouldn’tgettwofingersinsideme.AsIhookmyfingeraroundthesponge,itcameoutfairlyeasilybutafewdropsofblooddrippedonthefloortoo,luckyIdidthisinthebathroomforeasycleanup.Icleanedthesponge&allwaswell.
IfIwasaproductreviewer,Iwouldseriouslysaythatthisisanamazingidea.IalwaysthoughtgrowingupwhenIwouldskipmyperiodsforlike10years,thatthiscan’tbegoodforme.Ialsothinkcontraceptionisthereasonsomanywomenstrugglewithweight,especiallywhenweskipourperiodssooften.Yeahthey’reannoyingbutthey’rethereforareason.
FussyDefinition
Ihaveinthepastbeenfussy,whenIwasoverweightIwasbitter&alwaysthoughtIdeservedbetterthanwhatIgot,however,Istillneverreallyhadtheoportunitytorejectanyonebeforetheyrejectedme.
SothereisaTimTam#3.Letsgetonwithit,becausethisisstillstuffhappeningin2019,lesgetcaughtuptotheshitshowyearthatwas2020.Bytheway,happy2021everyone,hopeit’streatingyouwellsofar!
SoafterTimTamjumpsup&killsthespiderformeinmybedroom,hegetsbackintobed&wetalk.Wedoattemptsexagainbuthecan’tkeepithard&hegoesdownonme.Henoticestherestraintsthroughthesheets&hesayssomethingaboutthemagain&Irealisethathe’sreallyworriedaboutthem&whatitmeans.IguessIconsidermyselfkinky,Idon’tlikelabels&asyouallknowIamnotkinkywithrandommenever,theyhavetoearnmytrust.WhichremindsmeofsomethingFoodlandtalkedabout–hewantedtoknowmoreaboutmykinkyside.Italkedbutnotindetail&toldhimthatIwon’tbedoinganythinguntilIcantrusthim.Letsfaceit,Ihaveonlyreallybeenkinkywith3menmywholelife,soI’mnotlikeanexpertoranythingbyanymeans!
ButIthinkthisintimidatesTimTamwhenhefeelstherestraints&feelsoutofhisdepth,that’sfineIamnotgoingtopushhimtodoanythinghedoesn’twanttoo&Itellhimthis,Ialsoexplainit’smoreformethanhimwhenhetellsmeagainhedoesn’twantanythinguphisass…Again,Ineveraskedtoputanythinguphisass…
WhenTimTamleavesIthinkthathe’sprobablygoingtoneedmetomakeanefforttomessagefirst,Icanjusttellthathe’sabitfreakedoutbytheconversationtonight.Kinkisn’tsomethingItalkaboutwithpeopleearlyon,infactmostofthetimethethreeguysIhavebeenkinkywithhavebroughtitupthemselves.ExceptSilverlining,wejustsortofevolvedintoit,Iknewhewasdominant&heknewIlikedtobedominated,butbythesecondtimewefuckedItrustedhimwitheverythingthatItiedmyselfup&waitedforhim.Iguessthatisn’tgoingtohappenwithTimTam.Hahaha.That’sok,Iamhonestlynotreadyforanotherkinkyguy.IhavedestroyedmyfriendshipwiththeonlymanIeverloved,Idon’tthinkIamevenreadyforthiscasualthingwithTimTam.
However,ImessagehimagainwhenIhaven’theardfromhiminawhile,hemessagesback&Icheekilyaskifhe’sonthespiderhunt,&sendhimamemethatsays“Ijustwhispered‘comeatmebro’toaspider&itrantowardsme,sonowI’mrunningnakeddownthestreet.’Helaughs&hesaysno,butI’mnotsureifhegetstheinuendointhesuggestionbutIherepliesthenstops&Ineverhearfromhimagain!Yeahanotheronebitesthedust!
OneinterestingfactabouteithermeormenIchoose,Ialwaysseemtofindamanwhohasn’tsleptwithanyoneelsesincetheirlongtermpartner.Origin.Noddy.Elvis.ProbablyMotocross.&IamalmostcertainthatConstructionwasthesame.WhyamIthereboundgirlWhatisitaboutmethatscreamsreboundWhyaren’tItheonethatthemenwanttobewith.Noddytoldmethathedidn’twanttousemeasarebound&that’sexactlywhathedid…Originthesecondtimearoundsaidthesame&nowthey’rebothinrelationships,withbeautifulwomen.IsitthatIamnotasbeautifulasthem
Thisisn’tahealthymindset,soIdecidetotakecontrol.IhaveendedthingswithSilverliningonlyafewmonthsbefore,it’salmost2020,(rememberI’mnotinrealtime)soImakeapactwithmyselftofocusonmyself.Focusonme.Getahobby,whichIcreateahobbybusiness&putmynameonsomelistswithbreedersforapuppy.Iamgoingtofocusonmycareerin2020(notthatIhaven’tmywholelifealready),Iamnotgoingtodate.Iamreallygoingtogetmylifeundercontrol,myfinances.IamgoingtotrynottothinkaboutnotonlytheloveIdestroyed,butthefriendshipwithSilverlining.Iamgoingtoworkonme.Iactuallywelcomeinthenewyear2020withsuchoptimismthatthisisgoingtobemyyear,thatthisisgoingtobefocusingonme,focusingonlovingmyself.
WhatafuckingtwatIwas!Imean2020wasliterallytheworstyearinhistory,notonlydidInothavethemanIlove,Ilostmyjob,myhobbybusinesswasclosedduetocovid,soIhadnothingtooccupymytime…Whatadisastrousmix!
Bringonthestoriesof2020.However,withnewfoundmantra–notanewyearsresolution–Ihatethose,Idon’tknowwhatIamgoingtowriteabout,thereisgoingtobenodating.Nomen.Noidiots–letsseewhathappens!Keepreadingtofindout!
Anotherpassageoftimegoesby&Foodlandpopsbackupagain,Idecidetogivehimago,Ihavegivenanotherdudefromthepast.agopostSilverlingendingthatIthinkperhapsthismayworkout!FoodlandtellsmeIwasreallyangrylasttimewechatted&IexplainthatIwasbecauseIdon’twanttobeused,Ididn’tfeellikehewasputtingineffort&hesaysthathedidn’tfeellikeIwasinterestedorputtinginefforteither.Ok,faircall,Iprobablywasn’twhenIwasstillchattingtoSilverlining,butthistime,IfigurethatI’llgivehimachance.
WhenheinvitesmeoutafterItellhimthatheneveractuallyaskedmeoutonadatethelastfewtimeswe’vechatted.It’sacrazytimeforme,afriend&herbabyhavemovedinassheleftherpartner&Ihavedogsnow,afterlivingwithjustmycatforthelast14years,myhouseisadisaster,baby&dogstuffeverywhere.
HeofferstopickmeupFridaynight,whenIrealisethathelivesrightbythecinemabuthecomessofaroutofhiswaytocomegetme,butItellhimthathecan’tcomeinviatext,withmyfriend&babyhere,thehouselookinglikeadisaster,buthesaysthathe’scomingin,there’snostoppingit.
Healsotellsmethattherearetworulestotonight’smovie,thathewillholdmyhand&hecanshuthiseyesifit’sscary.Itellhimthathecan’tholdmyhand…FUCK!Idonotwanttoholdhishand!IknowthatIhavehadsexwiththismanatsomepointinthepastsoItaketheopportunitytoremindhimthatIamnotgoingtohavesexwithhimtonight–hesaysthathewaswaitingformetosaythattohim&ItellhimIthinkthatholdinghandsistointimate.He&myfrienddonotgetthisbutletmeexplain.Ihavelivedwithonemanwhobarelyheldmyhand&beeninlovewithonemanwhoneverhadtimetoholdmyhand&webothregrettedthat.It’ssuchanintimatethingforme,thatmeanssomething.Itmeansthereisaffection,friendshippossiblylove.NotsomerandomboywhoIfuckedoncelike5yearsago&haven’theardfromagain.
BecauseIdon’twanttohavesexwithhimtonight,Itellhimheneedstoworkforitabitmorethangetitonthefirstdatelikelasttime–eventhoughhisisn’tafirstdateItellhimthatweneedtogoonmorethanonedate.SoheaskstoseemeSunday,butIambusy&weworkoutthatwecancatchupMonday.Wellthisispromising2datessetup!
Whenhearrivesatmyhouse,myfriendispeeringoutthewindowsayinghowtallheis,hecomesin&meetsher&thebaby,theyhavealaugh&myfriendmakesajokeaboutholdinghands.Shetalkstohimabouthiscar,Iaskhimifhe’sgottheticketstothemovies,hesaysnobuthe’sbookedatableattherestaurantIchoose.Asweleavehe’sbookingthegoldclasstickets,at$45apop..Fuckthemovieareexpensive!
Weorderdinner,whichhepaysfor,Iordersteak&hegetstheorderright.Ididoffertopayfordinnerbeingheboughtthemovieticketsbuthetellsmetojustgetusdrinks,whichIdo.Hebuysanotherdrinkforusastheconversationflowseasily.Soeasilythatwhenmyfriendtextsmetoaskmeifhe’sheldmyhandyet,Ilaugh&tellhim–itsnowbecomeabigjokeofthedatebutIhonestlyreallydon’twanttoholdhishand.
Wegettothemovie&Isuggestabottleofwineforthemovie,whenhesayshedoesn’tdrinkalotofwinesoIcanpick–inhindsightweshouldhavejustgotadrinkortwoeach,notabottle.Iamalreadytickingoververywell!
Wewatchthemovie,ashishandslidesovertomyleg,Iactuallythinkthatthisguycouldbesomethingmore&againstmybetterjudgement,Iletmyguarddown,justforasecond&Ilethisfingersslidethoughmine&weholdhandsformostofthemovie!
OMGhowrisqué!
Igotobed&fallfastasleepjustaftermidnight.
Iawakearound8:30am,gettingreadytogotothegym,Ifeelalittleshit–whydidIdrinksomuch!Urgh…Thereisamessagefromhim“Nightuthanksforafunnight”sentat12:24am.Iquicklywritebackinthemorningwhilerunninglate,halfasleepnotthinking“Thanks.You’rewelcome.Ihadfuntoo.”Expectingareplylaterintheday,butnothingcomes.Atall!InfactIneverhearfromFoodlandagain!EVER…
Whattheactualfuck!Ihonestlyfeelviolated…IexplicablytoldhimIdidnotwanttoholdhisfuckinghandbecauseitmeanssomethingtome&thisguyhastheaudacitytonotwritetomeeveragain!OnSundaywithstillnoreplyfromhim,Iwrite“…CanIjustask,whydidyouevenwanttoholdmyhandsodesperately”IgetnothingsoonMondayafterhesendsmeasnapchatofhisoutfitforiceskating&looksatmysnapchatstory,Isay“You’reastrangeunit.Bestofluck.”
Soanotherfuckwitbitesthedust…SincethenhelooksateverystoryIpostonsnapchat,asdoesMotocross–stilltothisday!Hahaha…Whatiswiththat
Iknowthathandholdingdoesn’tmeanasmuchtoothersasitdoesme,clearlybecausemyfriendthinksIamfuckinghilarioushowupsetIamthatIletmyguarddown&heldhishandtojustbeignoredthenextday!WHATTHEACTUALFUCK.
Igetthatitmightnotbewhatheexpected,butwhyghostmeHedidn’thavetomessagemeat12:30amtosayhehadagoodtimeifhedidn’t.Thatwouldhavebeentheperfecttimetoghostme…Menaresoweird,Ihavenoideahowtodecipherthisone…!
AnotherfriendthinkshewaspissedoffIdidn’twritebackimmediatelyorthatIdidn’tsaysorryforthenextdayreply…Butreally!Ishethatchildish&needy
Whatdoyouthinkhappenedhere!
Wechatsporadicallyforawhilebutthenhejustkindofjustdisappears–he’slivinginPortLincolnbutalsostaying.Followingthat,hetriestotalktomeafewtimesbutIignorehim…What’sthepointImeanisthereanypoint,IdecidedIdeservebetterwhichiswhyIendeditwithSilverlining2.0butIwonderifthisisallIamgoingtogetfromaman.Ahalfassrelationship,ahalfassmessagingbuddy!
Buthecomesbackonlinetosay“MerryChristmasBeautiful”,asyouallknowthisisafterI’msohurtfromthesecondbreakupwithSilverlining,soIthinkmaybeIneedtogiveCoutryasecondchancetoo!IfSilverliningdeservesone,thenmaybeeveryoneelsedoes!
Ireplytohim&weenduptextingforabit,heseemsnice&Iquitelikehim.Heactuallyremindsmeofaguy,Ican’trememberwhatInicknamedhimthough,possiblythedudefromrightatthestartofthisblogcalledWillunga.
Weorganiseadate&Iamnotthatintoittobehonest,Ihavejustendedsomethingmajortome,brokenmyheart,butIwantapartner.IknowIwantapartner.Iproperpartner.Notjustahalfassedpartnerwhohasapartneralready.IamnotthatexcitedaboutthedatebutIamtryingtogetexcitedaboutit.IamoutwithanotherfriendwhenIgetamessagefromhimtellingmethatheistoosunburntomeetme.WHATTHEACTUALFUCK.Ithengetashirtlessphotoofhimwithsunburn,yeahitdoeslookprettybad&doeslooklikeitwouldbesore,soIjustsayyeahnoworries&somethingabouthopinghefeelsbettersoon,IthinkIalsosaysomeshitaboutdrinkinglotsofwater.Iamslightlyrelievedbutalsoannoyed…Whogetsthatburntthedaytheyaregoingonadatewithsomeone.Icanhonestlysaythatthisisprobablythemosthilariousexcusefornotbeingabletogoonadatewithsomeone!
Afterthathedisappearsafterthat,henevertriestomessagemeagain,Imeanwhatisthatallabout!Idon’tgetwhymenputinsomucheffort,Ifinallyagreetogooutwiththem&thentheybailI’mnotsayingthisisjustanexcusetobail,maybehereallywassunburnt&couldn’tputonashirt,butwhatIneverunderstandwhenamanbailsafterputtingsomuchefforttogetyoutosayyestothem,whydotheybailwithaweirdlameexcuse¬lockinthenextdateIfIgenuinelylikeaman–evendothiswithfriends&havetobailonplans,Iwillapologiseprofusely&trytolockinadateinthefuture,somethingsoonbecauseIwillfeelsoterrible…Peoplebailonme,don’treallysaysorry,don’treallycare,don’tlockinthenextdate.
Afewmonthslater,hetriestotalktomeagain,IsporadicallyreplybutIamnotinterestedinthisman.WhywouldIwanttobewithsomeonewhodoesn’twanttobewithme
Whenyoureadstorieslikethis&ifyoudon’treallygetmyconnectionwithSilverlining,thisiswhy.Thistypeofguy.Ithappenstomesooften,theyputinsomucheffortthendisappear.Idon’tgetit.ButthisiswhyIgotsoinvolvedwithSilverlining,regardlessofhislifeoutsideofme–rightorwrong–hewasconsistent.Hemessaged,hetoldmehowhefelt.Asmuchasitwasshithehadawholeotherlife,Ididn’tevendoubthisfeelingsforme.Idoubtthatthesetypesofguysareeveninterestedinmeoriftheyarejustdatingtoseehowmanywomentheycangettosayyestoadatewiththem!
Ibetyouneverthoughttherewouldbea#2forthisguyright!YepneitherdidI…butfucksomepeoplesurpriseme!
Igobacktobed&sleeptillabout10:00amwhenIhearaknockatthedoor.Ijustassumeit’sthepostmanorsomethingwithaparcelbutwhenIopenthedoorlookinglikeabsoluteshit,IseeTimTamstandingtherewithabunchofflowers…WHATTHEACTUALFUCK!Abunchoffuckingflowers!
Idon’tevenknowwhattosay,noonenightstandhasevercomebacktothesceneofthecrimelike3hourslaterwithfuckingflowers…Whothefuckbringsflowers.Thishasturnedmeintoafuckinggigglingshyschoolgirl.Nomaneverhasleftinthemorning&comebackorshownthismuchaffection(forlackofabetterword)tomeafteronenight.Whattheactualfuckisgoingon!
Iinvitehimin&sittherecompletelydumbfounded,unsurewhattosay&heasksme“you’retrippingoutrightnowaren’tyou”Irelaxabitwhenhesaysthat&explainthatnoguycomesbacklikethisnorhavetheyeverbroughtmeflowers.Hesaysthathe’snotlikethattojustsleepwithsomeone&leave&thatfeltsobadthathecouldn’tstopthinkingabouthowitallwentdown.Hesaysthathelikesme&iskeentogokayaking(Ican’trememberwhyorhowwegetontothetopicbutwedo–Ithinkakayakingfriendwon’thurt.)&it’swhatpromptsustoswapnumbers.Igetthevibehejustwantstobefriends.Hetalksaboutgoingwiththeflowalotagain,Iamfinewithit.Imeanit’sonlyamonthorsosinceIendedthingswithSilverliningthatIamnotreadytojumpintoanythinganyway.Thisarenotgoodformeinotheraspectsofmylifenoweither,thatIamnotreadytojumpintoanythingnordoIeventhinkIwantapartneratthispoint.Aguyfriendtohangoutwith,maybetrytohavesexagain(ifhecankeepIhard)withmightbeagooddistractionwithouttherelationshipstatus.Atruefriendswithbenefits.
Hestaysatmyhouseforabout30minutesbeforeheleaves,sayingwe’llcatchupsoon&hopesthere’snohardfeelings.Iofcourseamnotgoingtoholdagrudge,ImeanIwouldn’thaveevenifIneverheardfromhimagain.ButIamgladhedid!
ButIdon’thearfromhimthenextdaybutwhenIambackatworkafewpeopleaskabouttheweekend&itpromptsmetowritetohimtellinghimpeopleweretalkingaboutus.FUCK.It’slateatnight&hesaysthathe’sjustfinishedwork,we’remessaging&hesaysthatIambeingcheeky,butwhenheaskswhatIamdoing,Isaywatchingamoviehesaysthelikesmovies.IsheinvitedhimselfoverHeaskswhattimeIstartwork&saysthatbecauseIammessaginghimImustnotbewatchingthemovie.Thenhesayshe’sinterestedtoknowwhatpeopletalkedabouthim&soIjustinvitehimover.I’mnotsurewhathemeansbuthesays‘verydiscreet’IthinkhemeanssubtleAshe’sbeenseeminglybeenhintingatthefacthewantstocomeover.Nextminute,heisonhiswaytomyhouse,Isendthepokingouttongueemoji&hesaysthatI’mfunny&isonhisway.Idon’tknowwhatisfunnybutIjustgowithit.
Iopenthedoortohim&walkstraighttomybedroom,Iamnotgoingtositintheloungeroom,we’vealreadyhadsex,he’sclearlyhereforsexit’s11:00pm.Hejumpsontomybedwithme,wesittherechatting&justhavingagoodgettoyouknowgeneralchitchatwhenhetellsmethattheemojithatIkeepsendinghimofthetonguepokingoutmeansIwanttobelicked…WTF!Nononodude,itmeansthatIambeingcheeky.Wehaveadisagreementaboutitthathasusbothinfitsoflaughter.Mywholelifeisalifeifthat’swhatitmeans!Iuseitallthetimebeingcheeky,notwantingtobelickedbysomeone!ImaginehowdifferentmylifecouldbeifIknewthemeaningsforemojis&usedtheincorrectlyorcorrectly!WhatifIusedanemojiwrongwiththerightguy&hestoppedwritingbacktomebecausehethinksIamafuckingidiot…!OMG.
Iwilladmit,IjustgowithitwithTimTamaboutthepokingoutemojimeaningthatIwanttobelickedbutIdogoogleitlater&IbelievethatIamusingitright!Hahaha…Idon’tbotherhavingthediscussionwithhimagain.IjustknowthatIamright&keepthejokegoingwithhimlater.Whenwekiss&havesex,heishard&ontopofmebutthencan’tkeepithardoncethecondomison.IknowsomemenhavethisproblembutIamnotpreparedtofuckhimwithoutone.HemakesanotherjokeaboutitbutIknowthathedoesn’tmeanit&isself-consciousaboutthis.Welaytherejusttalking&laughing,Ifindhimsofunny,whenIseeinthecorneroftheroomalittleblackspot.Ifreakout,thereisaspiderinthecorneroftheroom.IamsoarachnophobicthatIstartfreakingoutthathejumpsuptogetridofitforme.Iamliterallylaughingsomuchatthefactthatthisguyisjumpedaroundmyroomnakedtokillaspiderforme…MaybeIhavesoldthisoneshortMaybetherewillbeaTimTam#3
AfterIenditwithSilverlining(orNoodlePart2),IdecidethatIamnotgoingtotryto“fillthevoid”byfuckingeverysinglemanthatIcanfind.Itwassounfulfilling,eventhoughIhaveafriendtellingmetofucksomeoneelse,Ican’tbringmyselftodoit.SothistimeIneedsomethingtotakemymindoffboys,offwork,offhowaloneIfeel.SoIstartlookingfornewhobbies,somethingnewtodo.Ialreadygotothegym,Ikayak,Igoforbikerides,I’vebeenconsideringapuppynowthatIamnottravellingasmuchforwork.Butit’snotenoughtokeepmeoccupied.Oneofmypassionsistraining,soIlookatsomecoursesIcando.Ienrolinmultipleshortcourses,somebeautycourses&somewritingcourses.Ineedsomethingtooccupymymind.WhileyouallknowIlovewriting,Iamalwaysthinkingofwaystomakethisblogmorethanitis.ButwhenIamactuallytalkingwithSilverlining,it’salwayshardtowrite&wanttowriteabookbecauseI’mprettysurehe’llfuckinghatemygutsforthisblog!
Sothewritingcoursesareveryhelpful&Ilovethem.Ialsoenrolinsomebeautycoursesdoingeyelashextensions&facialwaxing.Ihavehadeyelashextensionsforafewyears&thinkthisissomethingthatIcandoathomeafterhours.
Thoseofyouwhoknowme,knowwhenIdosomethingIgoallin.Igetalogomadeup&IstartaFacebookpageformynewhobby.HoweverIkeepitprettyquiet,thereisalreadyabeautypersonatmygym,IhavenointentionsofbuildingthishobbyasIhaveacareergoalIamworkingtowards,Ijustwantsomethingtotakemymindoffeverythingshitinmylife&letsfaceit,rightnowthereisn’talottobehappyabout.
Iamnotthetypetowallowinmyownmisery,youallknowthis.Ihaveaheartofstone,Ijustneedtoputmywallsbackup&solideron.Thislittlehobbyisonlyacoupleofhoursaweek,ifthat.Imeanwritingthisblogtakesupsomuchfuckingtimesothehobbydoesn’ttakeupthetimeIwashopingitwouldsoIdosomemorecourses&spendsomuchtimeonlinelookingformorecourses&makingbusinesscards&stuff.Thislittlehobbytakesonamindofit’sown,beforeIknowit,IamnotthinkingaboutSilverlining,Iamnotthinkingaboutothershitpartsofmylife,Iamreallyenjoyingsomethingagain&thatmakesmehappier.ThisisaboutthetimeIorganiseCocktailswith#IBD4Utoo.Somethingelsetokeepmymindoffthings,butasyouknowfromthatblog,thatgavemesomuchanxietyontopofalltheotheranxietyplanningthatevent!Neveragain!Hahaha.
Anywaywithmymindofflosingmybestfriend,itgivesmetimetothinkaboutwhatIwantin2020.Weallknowhow2020hasturnedoutwithCovid&allthatbullshitgoingonaroundus,butattheendof2019,IknewthatIwasn’tgoingtojustfillavoidbyfuckingjustanyone.Iamnotonlinedating,Iamnotlookingforanyone.AsmuchasIwanttohavesex&forgetthefeelingoffuckingSilverlining,Iamnotgoingtojusttrytowipethatmemorybecauseithurts.
AtafunctionforChristmas,Iamtryingmyhardesttonotgettoodrunk&doastupidcryingthing.IeventellafriendtotakemehomenomatterwhatIsaytoherwhenshe’stryingtoleave,butIwanttoleavewithhim&gohomewithsomedignity.Thereisaguy,he’sprettycute,he’sslightlyAsianlooking.NotthetypeofguyIusuallygofor–obviouslyItendtogoforSilverlininglookalikes,butthisguyiscute,alittertallerthanme&whenourtablerunsoutofalemontarts(thatIate2ofalready)hegoes&getsusanotherplatewithenoughforeveryone&thendisappears.Ithinknothingofit.
Butasthefreedrinksstartflowing,Ikeepseeinghim,hecatchesmyeye,I’mnotsurewhy.Whenthedrinksend&wegointoanotherroom,thedancingstarts–rememberwhenyoucoulddanceatafunction.Hedoesn’teverdancewithme,buthedancesnearmealot.Wedon’tmakealotofeyecontactsoIthinknothingofiteither.Howevertheeventends&weallgetkickedout.Iamnotsoberbyanymeansbutamnotadrunkasothersthere.Wegottothelocalpub&shootersstarthappening,OMG.Iamnotgoodwithshooterswhatishappening!
IendupsittingatatableoutsidewithfriendswhenTimTamsitsdownnexttome.Wegetchatting,thefirsttimesincewebasicallyhavebeenseeingeachotherallday.Whilewe’resittingthere,Ican’tworkoutifheisinterestedorwhat.IamsodrunkIdon’treallyrememberitalltobehonest.We’vehadourhandsoneachother’slaps&we’vehadalittlepeckonthelips,IknowthatIamsurroundedbypeopleIknow,soIamcarefulaboutthisinteractionwiththisguy.Wetalkafairbit,whereheworks,whathedoes,thathe’srecentlydivorced,justturned40,2almostadultboys.He’slivingwithhisbrotheratthemomentthroughhisseparation&themoreItalktohimthemoreIlikehim.
WhenIknowit’stimetogohome,Iknowhelivesdownsouthtoo&Iofferhimarideinmycab,wedropoffanotherfriendfirst&thentomyhouse.ThisisweirdbecauseI’venotinvitedhimin,I’venotdiscussedhimcominginbutwe’vebeencanoodlinginthebackofthetaxithatIjustassumehimmightcomeinbutIdon’tthinkIoffer.However,hegetsoutthecabatmyhouse&wegoinside.
Weendupkissing&gettingundressed.Whenwe’renaked&he’skissingme,ontopofme,Ipulloutacondom&hespendsagesputtingiton.Ihavetogivetheguyabreakhere,IamassumingI’moneofthefirsthe’sbeenwithsincehisseparation/divorce&heprobablydidn’tusethemwithherashesaidtheyweretogether20yearsorso.Howeverhebarelygetshiscockinsidemebeforehe’ssoft.Hetriestokeepgoingbutobviouslythatisnotgoingtowork.Herollsoffme&welaytheretalking.Iamnotfussedtobehonest.IlikehimbutIhatemyself,IdidthinkaboutSilverlining&howwe’dneverhavetheproblemofhimbeingsoftaroundme.
IhatethatIamnotwriting.
AtthistimeIamalsodoingacourse,Ihavenojob&hadnothingtodo,thingsweresemisettled,sowhynotjumpin&dosomeupskilling.
SoIenlistsomehelpofsomefabulousfriendstohelpmepaint,wegetitalldone(&someextraareastoo)bythecarpetinstalldeadline&somefamilyhelpmerestoremyhousetosomesortoforderbymovingthefurnitureback.
Ihopetobebacksoonwithsomeproperblogposts.
OMG,IamsosorryIdidn’tgetthiswrittenforFriday.Iamnotworkingatthemoment,soIamlosingtrackofdays!Ihonestlydon’tknowwhatdayoftheweekitishalfthetime!Iwillexplainallonedaybutrightnowjustknow,IamtryingashardasIcantowritemystorybecauseIlovewriting&Iwon’thavethattakenawayfrommetoo!Iknowyou’reallinvestedbuttherearesomanyotherstupidthingsgoingoninmylife(non-datingrelated)thatjustsuckatthemoment,butIwillkeepthestoriescoming!!
IloveyourcommentsonFB.I100%agreewithyouall,butIaminit,Iaminlovewiththisman,Iwasalwaysdefend&justifyhisbehaviour.Regardlessofifit’srightorwrong,niceornasty,ifyouhatehimornot,Iwillalwaysdefendhim&justifyouractionsbecauseIknowhimsowell,Iknowwhyhedoeswhathedoes,it’sshittowardsmemostofthetime.ButthisisalsowhatIamwillingtodotohavethismaninmylife.
Thenextmorning,hehadn’tcomebackonlineatnight&Ifeellikeshit,allIwanttodoistalktomybestfriend,hedoesn’trealisethethingshesayssometimes,especiallyabouthispartner&howshelooks&whatlittleshedoestoweightthesameasme.Iknowmuscleweighsmorethanfat,IknowIworkout,Iknowwe’redifferent.ButevenJ-Lo’spartnerhadgastricsurgeryat90kgs&issmallerthanme…IwishwhenIwasover100kgsthatIhadsurgery,theywouldn’thavetofuckingworksohardnowtostaythefuckingsamewhileeveryoneelsearoundmegetssmallerthanme!FUCK.
Anywaythenextmorninghestartstalkingaboutsupplementsagain&ItellhimthatIdon’twanttotalkaboutthisagain,Ifeltshit&wantedtotalktohim&hedidn’tcomebackonline.Hesaysthatwecan’talwaystalkallday&Igetthat&Idon’texpectthateither,IknowwhatIhavesignedupforherewithhim.Idon’texpecttochatallday,IamthankfulforthetimeIgetwithhimsometimes,butIdowishthingsweredifferent,thatIcouldhavehimalltomyself–butthenIalsowonderifthingswouldbethishotforus!“Youusuallyalwayssuchapositivepersonandnotusuallysodownonyourselfandconfident.Sucksseeingyoulikethis”Ihaverecentlytakenafewhitstomyconfidenceatworksothatthensnowballstomybody&eatinghabits.IknowwhyIamfeelingsoshitabouthowhispartner&evenJ-Lo’spartneris&it’snotreallythewomenthat’stheproblem,it’sthatIhavebeenwhittleddownatworktohavenoconfidencethatwhensomeonesayssomethingtome,Iamautomaticallynegativeaboutmyself.
He’snotonlineforalongtimetodayeitherbeingit’sSunday,hegoesoffline&ItellhimthatIamgoingforajogwhenhesays“Fuckhowmuchexercisedoyoudo”AtthetimeIwasdoingsomethingabout5timesweek,IwasfitwhichIguesswhythecommentspissedmeoffsomuch.Hetellsmethathe’sacunt&brutallyhonestbuthedoesn’trealisehowthethingshesaysaffectmesometimes.Wellatleastheisawareofthat!Hesays“Don’tmissmetoomuch”&ofcourseIamsad,butatleastIgetup&dothingswhenhe’snotonline“Sorryforwantingmorethan20minsonyourtimeinaday!”Idon’twanttobesadorupsetaboutit“Yoursocute”ItellhimtofuckoffthatIamnotcute.“Chatagainsoonhoneybuns.Loveyou.Misschattingtoyoubestie”FUCK!I’msmilinglikeawankerasIgetup&goformyjog!
Iwakeuptonothingfromhim,whichIknowwhyhedidn’tmessageme,soremembertheagreementwemadewhenwefirstmettotakeitinturns,theagreementthatleaduptofallinlovewitheachother.Aquickrundownfornewreaders,butwebothtoldeachotherwhenwefirststartedchattingthatwewon’tinitiatetheconversationthesecondorthirddaybecauseitshowsusthattheotherpersonwantsotalktous.SoIknowthathe’salsotryingtopullbackfromme,knowingwe’regettingtooclose.Ofcoursethismentalityofhispissesmeoff!
IsaygoodmorningasIgetreadyforwork,Ifeelsick&mystomachischurning.Ihaveturnedmyworkphonebackon&theemailsfrommybosshavemademefeelsick.WhenSilverliningsayshecalledinsicktotakehisdaughtertogetsomeneedlesIreply“IwishIcalledinsick.Ifeellikecrap.Mytummyisnothappytoday.”ItellhimthatIjustgottowork&feellikeIamgoingtovomit.IexplaintohimthatIgotanemailtellingmewhatIneedtodothisweek&evenwhereIhavetosit,I’mnotallowedtositatmyowndesk.Hesays“Wowdoessomeonehighupreallyhateyouorsomething”YeahIhavenoidea,Ireallydon’tknowwhatishappeningatworktobereallyhonestwithyou“Youusedtoloveyourjobsomuch!”YeahIdidloveit,youallknowthat,Italkaboutitalot.IdoasI’mdirectedbutmystomachdoesn’tsettletheentireday,Silverliningtellsmeit’sstress.Idon’tknowwhatishappeningtome,butIhaveawholebunchofsymptoms–laterdiagnosedwithanxietywithpanicattacks,butatthetimeIhadnoideawhatwashappeningtome.IlovehavingSilverlininginmylifetohelpkeepmecalmwhenthingsarethisshit!
Hementionssomethingaboutmicromanagingmyclit&Imuchpreferthistopic,thiscalmsmytummy&makesmefeelbettertohavehimmakemesmile.ItellhimthatIdon’twanttospendthelittletimewegetchatting,talkingabouthowcrapmyworkis.“It’sclearlyafrustrationyouhave.AndIdocareaboutyou.Sofeelfree.YoucanchataboutanythingandIwilllisten.Sobitchaboutyourstupidwork.Please”Ilovehimsomemuchinthatmoment!ItellhimthatIlovetheworkbutnothowthingsareatthemoment&hetalksabouthowhe’sfreakingoutaboutgettinganewjobhimself.Idon’twantanewjob,IdowanttosidesteptofollowmycareergoalsbutIhavenodesiretoleavethisworkplace.Ijusthavetostickitout&hopethingsgetbetter.
ItrytoexplaintoSilverliningwhyIwenttoevents&gotinvolvedmorewithkink&askifheevenunderstandswhy.“NopeNordoIcare”He’sbeingatwatnow.“WellIdon’tgiveafuckifyoucareornot…butIwashavingquitevanillaboringsexwithrandomdudes…Tryingtofillthesexualvoid,Ialsotriedtofillthatvoidwithkink…soyeah.Evenifyoudon’tthinkwewerekinkytogether,wewere.AndImissedyou.Missedsex7kinkwithyou.”Hesays“Goodonyouthen”Fuckingdickhead!Iremindhimthathealsotoldmehowkinkyhewaswithhispartner&hedeniestellingmeanything&deniesthatwhattheyweredoingwasevenkinky.ItellhimIamdonewiththisbecauseit’sastupidconvo&hesays“you’reastupidconvo”whichmakesmelaugh.Alliswellbeforehegoesoffline.Hesayshe’llbeontheotherappthoughifIwanttotalktohimwhilehedeletesthisapp.Fuckweareintoodeep,eventhoughhesaysyetagain“Thisisn’thealthy.Loveyou.Chatsoon.”
Sorryforthedelayinwritingthisblog.Ionlywritenotes&thenhavetoexpandonit.Iwassosickwithhayfeveryesterday,IpassedoutonPhenrgan!Sohereitis12hourslate,butatleastI’montimewiththeday!!RememberIamonlypostingonTuesday&Friday’sforawhile.IfyouhaveastoryIcanshare,pleaseemailme!
AsIwalkoutofhishouse,Ifeelgood,Ihavequicklychangedmyshoesbackintomyflats&walkedtothecar.BeforeIevenshutthedoor,Ihearmyphonebuzz&amessagefromSilverlining“Justgoingtoputitoutthere.I’mgoingtorememberwhatyouworetodaylol.”Itmakesmesmile.FUCK.Hecanbesosweet&cutesometimes,underneaththatridiculousstupidexterior,heissweetguywhoknowsthatmademesmilesasI’mdrivinghome.Ihaveneverdonethatbeforeforanyone,heknowsthisbutstillgivesmeshitaboutalltheguysI’vefuckedsincehim,hedoesn’trealisethatIstillhavefirsts&Istillhavefirstswithhim.SometimesIthinkhedoesn’tgetmeatall,howeverthenIrealiseit’sactuallyabouthim&hisinsecuritieswhenhespeaktomelikethis.Idon’tcondoneit–don’tgetmewrong,Ifuckinghateit&Icallhimoutonit.HeforgetsthatIwouldn’tjustletanyonechokeme,Iwouldn’tletjustanyonefuckmyass&whenhesaysshitlikethataboutmelettinganyonedoitorI’vefuckedhoardsofmen,it’sactuallyabouthisself-esteem,notme!Hesaysthatshittomakehimselffeelbetter,notreallytoputmedown.
AsIgethomeIrealisetherehasbeensomedramainthegroup,Silverlininggettinghimselfbanned&thencrackingtheshitsatme.Iknowhedoesn’twantpeopletoknowwhoheisorthathe’sfuckingme,soIdon’tunbanhim&readdhimbutItalktothegrouptoletthemknowhedidn’treallydoanythingwrong.Hetellsmetounbanhim&ItellhimIwon’t,buthetellsmethatI’mcute&wouldlookcuteifIwasfightingwithhim.Allhesaidtothemwas“Whatcrawledupyourcunts”Theysaythattheydon’tlikethwrodcunt&ImeanIdon’tloveiteitherbutcanwenotswearingroupsnow,doesthatgetusbannedIchatwiththegroup&heendsupgettingunbannedwithoutmebeingtooobviousbutSilverliningisn’thappyaboutitstill.
ItellhimheisthehottestmanIhaveeverbeenwith,hejustthinkshotmeansbodybuttome,itmeanseverything,hisface,hisbody(whichisn’tthebestI’vebeenwithbuthe’sstillsupersexytome)&ourchemistry.IsendhimanakedbodypicturetellinghimIamstilwearinghiscum,IalsosendhimapictureinthenurseoutfittoremindhimhowIfuckedhimyesterday&Ioffertogotohiswork&suckhiscockatlunchifheneedsareminder!Hebecomesvague&distant,notwritingbackasquickorwithlongresponseslikeusual,soIsaythatifhewantsmetocomesuckhisdick,I’mfreenoworifhewantsmetostoptalkingtohim.Iapologiseforpissinghimoff,becauseclearlyit’shitanervemorethanIthoughtitwould.“Fuckthoughtyouwerejoking,allreadygonetolunchcosIwasfuckingstarving.”NoIwasn’tjoking,“That’sfortheofferthough,youramazingsometimes.I’mjustonmyperiodclearly”Ilaugh&heisback.Hesaysthatit’sreallypissedhimoffthathelefthimselfgo.Igetthat&hehasstalkedsomedudesIfuckedwhoareskinnierorbuff,buttheynevermademecumlikehedoes…Ilovehimjustasheis.
Thereisalsoarumourgoingaroundthatthechatappisclosing,it’sbeengoingonformonthsbutthistimethey’vesentoutmessagestoeveryonesayingitsclosing.WhichmeansIhavetogobacktotheanonappwithnonotifications.I’llbebackatworksoon&won’tbeabletocheckmyphoneevery5seconds.I’mactuallysadthatIfinallyhaveanapptomessagehimon&it’sgoingtoshutdown.Everyoneopensupaccountsonthisotherchatapp&IcreateanaccountincaseSilverliningwantstouseitbutIassumehewon’tdownloaditbecausetheyhaveasharediTunesaccount&itwillcomeupintheirlists…Idon’treallyunderstandhowthatworksbutassuminghewon’tbeabletogetanewapp.HoweverIdownloaditjustincase.
Iaskhimifhehastriedthepopcornporkcracklethathasjustcomeoutwhichhesaysno,thatthestoresnearhimdon’tsellit&soImakeamentalnotethatnexttimeIseehim,I’lltakehimapacketasIbought2buthateit.Hesaysthathehastogoofflineagain&sayshe’slovesmetodayforachange.
WelltalkalldaythenextdayabouthowstupidIwaswithMotocross&hegivesmeadviceaboutdating,tellsmenottobedesperate.ButIdon’tthinkIcomeacrossasdesperatetomen,maybeIdoIdon’tknow.Someoneoncetoldmetowaitthreemonthsbeforehavingsexwithadudeyou’redating,Idon’tthinkIcould,ImeanItriednottofuckMotocrosstoosoonbutdidontheseconddate,soItellSilverliningthis&heagrees.I’mnotsureifheagreesbecausehedoesn’twantmefuckinganyoneelseorbecausehethinksitmightwork.
Wethengetontoweightloss&hetellsmeabouthowhe&hispartnerweretakingsupplements&doingketo&thatshelost30kgs.Istarttofeelshitaboutmyself,Iworksohardtoloseweight,lookgood&alwaysfeelfatyetshetakessomesupplements&losesweight&isprobablysmallerthanme.HesaysIhaveabetterbodythanherbutIprobablyweighmorebecauseofmymuscle–buthesayswe’reaboutthesamesize–howeverIdon’tthinkherealiseswhatthatdoestometothinkaboutherbeingthesamesize.Nothingfucksmeoffmorethanweighingmorethaneveryoneyetbeingthesamesize.WhydoeshetellmethisshitIask“Whatthefuckdoyouneedmefor”Hereplies“CosyouroneofmybestfriendsandIloveyoudumbass.Andyou’rewayhotterthanyouthinkyouare.IsaygoodbyequicklyasI’matthegym&feelingsoshitabouthowhispartneristhesamefuckingsizeasme….Idon’tknowwhythispissesmeoffsomuch!ImeanprobablybecauseIkillmyselfatthegymeatinghealthy&staythesamebutshetakessomesupplementshegivesher&sheloses30kgs!OMGit’smakingmefeelbadnow,I’mofftothegym!Hahaha…
ThosethathavebeenaroundforawhilewillrememberthatIwokeuponemorning&IdecidedthatIwantedtomeetsomeofyou&soIpostedonmyblogFacebookpagetoseeifanyonewouldbeinterestedinacatchup!Sowe’rejumpingaheadabitinthestoryformetopostthisblog,thiswasJanuary2020.
Tomyuttersurprise,somanypeoplecommented&likedthepostagreeingthattheywantedtomeetme,evenpeoplefrominterstatewanttomeetme!IneverknewIwouldbesopopular.IguessifIwasreadingsomeone’slife3timesaweek,I’msureIwouldbeinvestedtoo&becurioustoseewhattheylooklike.IknowIdon’tdescribemyselfoftenbutmostofyouknow,blondehairjustpastmyshoulders,blue/greyeyes,relativelyfit,shortat5’3&Idon’thavehighself-esteemabouthowIlook.I’msurenoweverywomanyouseewholookslikethis,you’llwonderifshe’sme!Hahaha…
Ionlystatedthisblogtoinspire&empowerwomen(evenmen)toeithernotmakethesamemistakesasme,learningfrommymistakes–becauseit’seasiertoseemymistakeswhenyou’renotinvolvedbuthopefullyyoucanseewhereIwentwrong&changeyourpath.ButthemainreasonwasbecauseIfeltalonegoingthroughalltheseweirdthingswithmen&finallyhadotherwomen–&evensomemen,whocontactedme,tellingmetheyhavebeeninsimilarsituationsorthattheyfeltalonetoountiltheyfoundmyblog.IamgladthatIhavehelpedsomepeoplealongtheway.Ilovetohearyourstoriessodon’tstopmessaging&emailingme,Iliterallyliveforyourstories!
It’snotalwaysaboutwhatIwriteaboutmeperse,butifsomeoneoutsidelookingintomylifecanseethedecisionsIshouldhavemade&theychangetheircourse,thenIamhappy!AsI’vesaidmanytimes,IcanseethedecisionsIshouldhavemadewhenIlookback&postablogaboutit,butwhileIaminthemiddleofit,youcan’tseethingsquiteasclearly.Whenyou’reinit,it’sfucked,youaremakingdecisionsbasedonwhatyouwant,notalwaysbasedonwhatisright.IfImadedecisionsbasedonwhatisright,thenIneverwouldhaveevenmetSilverlining,wayback2&ahalfyearsago…
IguessifIwasreadingthisIwouldbesuperinquisitivetooastowhoisthewriter,I’dwanttoknowwhowaswriting…Ifit’swhoI’vepicturedallthistimesoIwouldattend.SoIputoutanevent,gatheredupafewclosegirlfriends&thoughtifworsecomestoworse,we’llallhaveagoodnight&thatwillbeok.
Howeverasthenightdrewcloser,withalltheotheranxietiesinmylife,Istartedtoregretthisidea.Ihadbookedinforhair&make-upsoIknewIwouldlookgood,itwasn’taboutthatbutaboutmeetingnewpeople.Ialsothenstartedtofreakoutthatsomepartnersorwivescouldrockuptoseeifitwasmewritingabouttheirpartner.ImeanthereisDomDom,J-Lo,CrowsandgodknowshowmanyothermenI’vebeenwiththathaveapartner.Ialsogotafewweirdmessagesaskingwheretheeventwas&ittheymademeuneasybeingthatIdon’tknowwhoyouareeither….SoIdidn’tthinkthisthrough,didIwanttomeetpeoplewhodidn’tgivemeagoodvibeonlineLuckilyIhadn’tadvertisedwheretheeventwasorhowtofindme.
Ihadpeoplemessagingmealldaybailing.Itwasasuper-hotdayinJanuarysoIgetthatitwashardtogetpeopletocomeout,butIkindofknewthiswouldhappenwhichwaskindofaletdown.
HoweverIwasn’tgoingtoletthisruinmynight,Ihadafewgirlfriendsgoinganywaysoweweregoingfordinnertheneveryoneelsewhowascomingwouldcome&we’dseewhathappened.Thenightwouldbefunregardless.Ilookedgood,IworeacuteyellowdressIboughtinQueensland,notmanypeoplecanpullofflemonyellow,butIlookedgood.(YouknowIdon’tusuallysaystufflikethat!)Ihadmyhairdone&curled,Ihadmymake-updoneatmac.Ifeltgood,Ilookedgood.Thenightwouldbegoodnomatterwhathappened.
SoIthinkonlyonereader&herfriendcamealong,everyoneelsethatwasthereactuallyknowsmeinreallife.Ichattedtomyreaders&hadareallygoodconversationwiththem.InfactIhavebecomefriendswithoneofthemoutsideofthecocktailsnight.IfIcaneverfindaguytobeonthepodcast,wewillgetthatgoing!
Aftermyreadersleft,thedrinksstartflowingabitmorefreelyforme,Ididn’twanttobetoodrunkformeetingthefans.Thegirls&Istartdancing&havingamoreofagreatnight.Whensomedudeattacheshimselftoourgroup,inparticularme.NowIamnotaconfidentwoman,soIdon’tgenerallyknowwhenamanishittingonmeordoIpickuponsubtlehints.Itneedstobeverydirect&eventhenIdon’tbelievemenhalfthetime.Howeverthisdudewasaweirdo,hekeptsayingthathisunclewassomesortoffamoussoccerplayer,orthathisunclewasacoachperhapsI’mprettysurehesaidforLiverpoolIsn’tthatoneofthemostfamoussoccerclubs,alsowhogivesafuck!
Anywaysomehowheismegadrunk&attacheshimselftome.Whenwegetkickedoutthepub,myfriends&Iarereadytokickon&wegotoakaraokebarinthecity.WTF,Ihatekaraoke!ThescarypartisthatIsuggestedit!Sowegotothekaraokebar,withhisdudeintowaswell.Hebuysdrinks&Ifuckingsingasongwithhim–OMFG!IthinkitwashorsesbyDarrylBraithwaite.We’rethereforafewhoursbeforewealldecidetogohome.NowIamnotreallyinterestedintheguy,butIthinkIwouldgivehimmynumberperhaps&wecancatchupoutsideofthisevening.Idon’twantjustanotheronenightstandundermybelt.Thisiswhereitturns!!
Likefuck,thisguystandingoutsideofthekaraokebarwaitingformyfriendshusbandtopickusup,thisguybecomesthemostarrogantfuckingpigIhaveeverhadthemisfortunetotalktoo…WhenIsaidIwasn’tgoingtofuckhim,heturnednastyaboutmelivinginthesouth,Iliveinasuburb,thatisn’trenownedforitsupperclassstatusshouldwesay,hahahahoweverhekepttellingmethatI’dbeluckyfaguylikehimfromthewestwanedtofuckme,hisotherwinninglineswerehimsayingthathe’dgivemethebestsexIeverhad(Highlydoubtful!).Healsowastalkingaboutsomesportscar,likeaFerrariorsomethingthatwecouldhavesexin.Ihavenoidea.Hesaidthingsaboutbeingtoogoodformeetc,thathisunclewassomeonefamous(thatIdonotknow!)yet,hereheisstillhangingaroundwaitingformetotakehimhome,wearing2hats…
Finallyourridearrives&he’sstilltryingtogetmetogohomewithhimbutIrefuse&hecrackstheshits&getsintoacab.OMG…Icansurepickem!WHATTHEFUCKwasthatallabout.
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