Thisarticlewilldiscusssomecommonreasonspeopleinarelationshipmightseekadvicefromacouplescounselor,aswellasseveralcouplescounselingmethodsfornourishingcommunicationandconnectionwithinapartnership.
It’sacommonmisconceptionthatcouplestherapyisforcouplesonthebrinkofdivorceorbreakup.Certainly,couplestherapycanbebeneficialforthoseexperiencingrelationshipproblems.However,thereareanumberofreasonsacouplemayseektheguidanceofacouplescounselor.Hereareafewcommonreasonspartnersstarttherapy:
Couplestherapycanbeveryhelpfulinimprovingcommunicationbetweenpartners.Inrelationshipcounseling,eachpartnermaylearnvaluablecommunicationskillstohelpthemrelatetooneanotherinahealthyway,ensuringbothindividualsfeelheardandrespected.Atherapistmayworkwithacoupletohelpthem:
Significantlifechangescancausedifficultiesevenwithinastrongpartnership.It’scommonforamarriagetobeaffectedbycircumstancessuchasbecomingparents,relocating,grievingthedeathofalovedone,orstartinglifeasablendedfamily.Acouplescounselorcanbehelpfulinnavigatingtheselifechanges.
Whetheracoupleisstuckinapatternofconflictordealingwithasignificantrelationshipissuelikefinancialconcernsorinfidelity,acouplescounselorcanactasaneutralpartytoassistthecoupleinresolvingconflictandworkingtowardaresolution.Couplescounselorsaretrainedtoactasmediators,meaningtheydon’ttakesides;instead,theyhelpbyprovidingtools,techniques,andframeworksfornavigatingconflictinaconstructiveway.Theycanteachthosewhoseekrelationshiptherapyeffectiveproblem-solvingskillstouseineverydaylife.
Manycoupleschoosetostarttherapyasameansofstrengtheningtheirbondanddeepeningtheirconnection.Whenitcomestoromanticpartners,bondingbehaviorcanbecrucial.Often,theremaybenothing“wrong”withintherelationship;however,intherapy,partnerslearnvaluableskillsinrelationshiptherapytohelpthemimproveemotionalorsexualintimacy.
Thereareanumberofwaysthatalicensedcounselorcanhelpcouplesimprovetheirrelationship,andmanytherapistsspecializeinorpreferaparticulartherapeuticmethod.However,thereareafewcommontechniquesthatyou’relikelytoencounterintherapy:
Reflectivelisteningisacommunicationtechniquecommonlyusedincouplestherapytohelppartnersimprovetheircommunicationanddeepentheirunderstandingofoneanother.Reflectivelisteningaskseachpartnertolistenactively,paragraphstheirpartner,validatetheirfeelings,empathizewiththem,andrespondbydiscussingtheirfeelingshonestlyandconstructively.Thegoalofreflectivelisteningistocreateasafeandsupportiveenvironmentwherebothpartnerscanfeelheardandunderstood.Itcanbeaneffectivetoolwhenworkingthroughrelationshipdifficulties.
Acouplestherapistmayhelppartnersidentifytheirlovelanguagestohelpthembetterunderstandandmeeteachother’semotionalneeds.Itcanbecommonforonepartnertohaveacompletelydifferentlovelanguagethantheother.Understandinghoweachotherpreferstogiveandreceiveloveoffersawayforcouplestoimprovecommunication,deepenemotionalconnection,andstrengthentheirrelationshipoverall.
Expressionsofgratitude,appreciation,andadmirationarecommonlyassociatedwithincreasedrelationshipsatisfaction.Assuch,arelationshipcounselorwilloftenencourageacoupletoexaminetheircommunicationpatternsandfindwaysofincreasingthenumberofpositiveinteractionstheyhavewithoneanother,ratherthanperpetuatingnegativebehaviorpatterns.Thiscouldbeassimpleasaskingoneanotherabouttheirdayorsaying“iloveyou”moreoften.Often,buildingpositivecommunicationpatternstakespractice,andamarriagetherapistcanbehelpfulinstayingaccountable.
Itcanbecommonforcouplestospendlessqualitytimetogetherastheybecomebusierwiththedemandsoftheirfamiliesandcareers.However,spendingqualitytimewithoneanothercanbehelpfulforcouplesincounseling.Amarriagetherapistmayencourageacoupletoscheduleone-on-onetimetogethereachdayortoblockoffaneveningforadatenighteachmonthsothattheycanenjoythepositiveaspectsoftheirrelationship.
Physicalintimacyisanimportantaspectofadultrelationships,andimprovingphysicalintimacycanhelpcouplesstrengthentheirrelationship.Arelationshiptherapistmayoftenopenupaconversationwithacoupleaboutsexandotheraspectsofphysicalintimacy.Theymayassignhomeworkthataskscouplestospendmoretimecuddling,holdinghands,orevenlookingintoeachother’seyes.Thiscanbeaneffectivewayforpartnerstoreconnectandincreasetheirphysicalintimacyinasafeandcomfortableway.
Thereareseveraltypesofcouplestherapythatacouplemaybenefitfrom.Whilethefirstfewsessionsmaybechallenging,itcanbeimportanttostickwiththetherapyprocessforthebestresults.
Emotionallyfocusedcouplestherapyisanevidence-basedtherapyapproachthathelpscouplesidentifyandaddresstheiremotions,whichcanimprovecommunicationandstrengthenthebondbetweenpartners.Emotionallyfocusedtherapycanhelppartnersidentifyandchangeattachmentorinteractionstylesthatmaycontributetoconflictinarelationship.Emotionallyfocusedtherapytechniquesincluderestructuringtheprimaryconcernsandfocusingoneachpartner’sacceptanceoftheother’semotionalneeds.
TheGottmanmethodisanotherevidence-basedapproachthathelpscouplesimprovetheircommunication,manageconflicts,andincreaseintimacy.TheGottmanmethodfocusesonbuildingpositiveinteractionsbetweenpartnersandimprovingtheoverallqualityoftherelationshipthroughhealthybehaviors.
Cognitivebehavioralcouplestherapyisacommoncouplescounselingtechniquethatcanhelpcouplesidentifyandimprovethoughtpatternsandbehaviorscausingproblemsintheirrelationship.Thisformoftherapycanalsohelpeachpartneraddressindividualmentalhealthchallenges.
Solution-focusedtherapyisashort-termtherapyapproachthatfocusesonfindingsolutionstospecificproblemsintherelationship.Solution-focusedtherapycanbehelpfulforcouplesseekingtherapywhoaredealingwithspecificissues,suchascommunicationproblemsorfinancialissues.Itmayalsobehelpfulforcouplesgoingthroughlifetransitionsthatmayhavecomewithnegativebehaviorsorconflicts.
Mindfulness-basedcouplestherapyhelpscouplesincreasetheirawarenessoftheirthoughts,emotions,andphysicalsensations.Mindfulnesscanhelppartnersreducestressandimprovecommunicationandintimacy.
Generallyspeaking,theearlieryouandyourpartnerseekcouplestherapy,thebetter.Whilemanycouplesdon’tcontactalicensedtherapistuntiltheyexperiencerelationshiptroubles,theyoftenwishtheyhadbeguncounselingsooner.Itcanhelptogetpotentiallyproblematicrelationshipconcernsoutintheopenanddiscussthembeforetheyplacetoomuchstressandnegativeemotionsonapartnership.
Couplestherapycanprovideasafespacetoaddressanyconcernsthatmaybeaffectingyourrelationshipsatisfactionandcanhelppartnersworkthroughthoseissueseffectively.Arelationshipcounselorwilloftenprovidematerials,techniques,andstrategieslikecommunicationexercisestocontinuetheworkoutsideofyoursessions.Thesetake-hometrainingmaterialscanbeveryhelpfulforthosewhoarewillingtoputdailyeffortintoimprovingtheirrelationships.
It’simportanttonotethatcouplestherapyisn’tusuallyviewedasaprimarytreatmentforindividualswithahistoryofmentalhealthconcernssuchasdepressionoranxiety.Ifyouoryourpartnermaybelivingwithamentalhealthdisorder,itcanbeimportanttospeakwithhealthcareprofessionalsaboutyourmedicalhistoryandsymptomssothatyoucangetthecareyoudeserve.However,couplestherapycanbeanexcellentconcurrenttherapy.
Mentalillnesscaninfluenceallareasofaperson’slife,particularlyrelationships,shapinghowpartnersinteractandcommunicatewitheachother.Whilerelationshiptherapyisnotprimarilyfocusedontreatingmentalillness,itcanhelpwithtreatmentbyofferingstrategiesforconflictresolution,mindfulness,andreflectivelistening.Thesestrategiesmaybehelpfulnotonlyforimprovingarelationshipaffectedbymentalillness,butalsoinhelpingbothpartnerssupporteachotherandmanagesymptoms.
Aneffectivecouplescounselorcreatesasafeenvironmentforidentifyinganyissueswithinapartnershipandhelpingcouplesreachaworkablesolutiontogetherthroughavarietyofrelationshiptherapyexercises.Whereasmaritalstresscanoftenbechallengingtomanageindailylife,couplescounselingprovidesasafespaceforindividualstoexplaintheirperspectivesandexpresstheirfeelingshonestly.Itcanoftenbebeneficialtohavedifficultconversationsinaneutralenvironmentwithatrainedcounselorfacilitatingtheconversation.
Thismaybebeneficialforpartnerswithbusyschedules,careersthatrequirefrequenttravel,orlong-distancerelationships.It’salsoagreatfitforcoupleswhostruggletofindababysitterforin-personsessions.
Eachtherapistmayhaveauniqueactivetherapystyle.Still,theGottmanMethodisapopularapproachincouplestherapy,orcouplescounseling.Still,therearemanyapproaches,andthebestoneforyoumaydependonyourneedsasacoupleandanyspecificrelationshipdifficulties.Herearesomeotherexamples:
Differentpartnersmayhandlecouplestherapyormentalhealthcounselingdifferently.Ideally,thecouplewillbegintherapywithapositiveperspectiveontheprocess,thoughthisisn’talwaysthecase.Theroleofthetherapistorcouplescounseloristomakeeachindividualfeelcomfortableandbuildastrongtherapeuticalliance.Thisisanimportantpieceoftheprocess,sincehandlingrelationshipconflictmayrequirebothpartnerstobeopenandhonestabouttheirfeelings.
ManyrelationshipexpertsbelievethebesttheoryforrelationshiptherapyistheSoundRelationshipHouseTheory.ThistheoryunderpinstheGottmanMethodcouplestherapytechnique.Itconsistsofseveraldifferent“floors”ofhealthyrelationships,including:
Differentcouplestherapistsmayhavedifferentideasabouthowtomakearelationshiplast.Hereare6examplesofexpertrelationshiptips:
Generally,youshouldfeelfreetoshareanythingwithyourrelationshipcounselor.Lettingthetherapistseeyourinnerpsychologicalprocessescanbeintegraltothetherapeuticprocess.Still,youshouldavoidblamingyourpartnerortryingtogetthetherapisttotakeyourside.
Insomecases,yes.Inmoreseverecasesinvolvingdomesticviolence,additionalsupportresourcesmayberequired,andtherelationshipmaynotsurvivetheabuse.
Theremaybemanywaystofixabrokenrelationship,anditmightdependonthesourceoftheproblem.Atherapistorcouplescounselormaybeabletogiveyouspecificadviceafteraninitialassessment.
Healinganunhealthyrelationshipmayrequiretheparticipationofbothpartners,andinsomecases,therapymayberequired.Atrainedprofessionalcanteachyourelationshiptherapytechniquesthatmayhelpyourepairthebondandbuildhealthierhabits.Oneofthesetechniquesmaybeaffectregulation,ortheabilitytocontrolyouremotionsduringconflict.
Fixingarelationshipthatisfallingapartmaybechallenging,andyoumightneedthesupportofamentalhealthprofessionalsuchasacouplestherapist.Insomecases,itcouldrequiredelvingintopasttraumaandfamilyhistorytogettotherootoftheproblem.Inothercases,physicalhealthconcernsorsubstancemisuse(formerlysubstanceabuse)mayneedtobeaddressed.
Managingconflictusingeffectivecommunicationprocessesisacommonapproachtorebuildingapositiveconnectionincouplestherapy.